By Bobby Panza
Festivus is upon us, the time to release your accumulated grumbles, gripes, and grievances of 2023.
Over a quarter of a century ago, on December 18, 1997 (go ahead and gripe about the Rag always being late), the iconic sitcom Seinfeld aired an episode that would echo for eternity: “The Strike.” In a quintessential Upper West Side moment of glory, Frank Costanza (George’s father) explained the holiday of Festivus to Kramer inside the beloved-but-now-gone H&H Bagels that stood on West 80th Street.
“At the Festivus dinner [which takes place on December 23rd], you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!” Frank famously roared. This tradition is known in Festivus lore as the Airing of Grievances.
Now it’s your turn. We’ve seen what you can do in the comments section. Here’s your chance to complain more publicly about anything that has annoyed you in 2023. We’re looking for humorous, UWS-related grievances and will publish our favorite ones.
So, come on! Make Frank Costanza — played by the late, great Jerry Stiller, a long-time Upper West Sider — proud. Submit Your Gripes Here. (Up to three per person.)
The deadline for entries is December 26, 2023, at midnight.
As for the history of Festivus, Frank proclaimed it an anti-consumerism holiday after getting into a fight over the last doll in a toy store. While the doll was destroyed, a new holiday was born. “A Festivus for the rest of us!” Frank called it, triumphantly. There’s an aluminum pole instead of a tree (Frank finds tinsel distracting), along with the airing of grievances. The holiday concludes with “feats of strength.” It’s a common practice that Festivus is not over until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned. See a clip from the episode below, and learn more at FestivusWeb.com.
Seinfeld is currently streaming on Netflix. “The Strike” is Season 9, episode 10. The Tampa Bay Times was the first media outlet to honor Festivus in this manner.
“I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!” – Frank Costanza
Subscribe to WSR’s free email newsletter here.
Not a complaint but humorous IMO….
A neighbor mentioned that she had been puzzled that her college-age daughter and daughter’s friends were very interested in eating at the re-opened Fairway Cafe.
The neighbor likes Fairway Cafe but was puzzled as it didn’t seem like a cool place for that demographic.
The answer LOL – some attractive staff
Click through to the interview with Jerry Stiller from 2016 to understand why you love New York and your neighborhood.
To the dog owner on Riverside drive who caught his dog’s droppings in a green plastic bag before they hit the ground:. My stomach still churns at the sight but I think they should make that method the law of land. May reduce the number of dogs on the UWS.
Johnny Carson once showed a scooper with a blender on it for catching the turds.
This isn’t a grievance, though I could air one about an estate not being settled after five years. I am sick of hearing Xmas music, and have always changed the words. Silent Night is now Soylent Green: Soylent green, is so keen, when you eat it, you can’t beat it; you can feed it to your pets, they will eat it all and yet, they will ask for more, they will ask for more. (Pets can be replaced with kids)
My grievances. Why do so many UWSers feel so averse to thanking someone for holding the door for them? I hold the door for those leaving behind me, and my “neighbors” apparently think I owe them this nicety. Same with holding the rear bus door for them.
I’m tired of having to say “YOU’RE WELCOME” in order to shame them into thanking me.
Also when my 83 year old husband and I, at 75, get on the bus, the seats in the front, for elderly and handicapped always seem to have young children in them. Their parents or nannies apparently think little kids NEED to sit there. NEWSFLASH!! Elderly bones are more brittle and break a lot easier than your five year old’s. Another bus complaint… an open back door on the bus is not an entitlement to a free ride to the steady parade of freeloaders who insult paying customers. And a third…Teenagers and adults obviously not elderly or infirm who sit in those front seats, who bury themselves in the phones while people entitled to the seat they’re occupying, stand in front of them, know that you’re not fooling anyone because you don’t choose to make eye contact.
Also, when your building doorman opens the door for folks leaving, and all of a sudden has to answer the phone so doesn’t get to close it, CLOSE IT YOURSELF!! He’s there to help but when he can’t it’s just a nice gesture for folks, especially when an elderly person who may be in the lobby waiting for a car pickup, or a grandchild’s arrival, won’t to have to sit in the cold because you’re too damn lazy to shut the door behind you.
Be a mensch! Be kind to your neighbors.
Thanks WSR for allowing me to get this off my chest.
Merry Festivus…or is it Happy Festivus?
Thank you Rag! I needed this.
Grievance? The jack**s who ties his dog to the fire hydrant outside the Key Food at 96th and Amsterdam every Saturday and Sunday morning around 6:05 a.m., goes in for 20-25 minutes, leaves the dog barking outside me and my kids’ bedroom window the whole time, and thinks the dog is an angel because the beast sees him coming thru the glass and stops barking –after waking us all up.
Maybe try attaching a note to the dog’s leash to let the person. know? Worth a try.
There’s a space between 93 and 94 street on Columbus that just can’t catch a break. It’s been two so so restaurants that have singed closed down. Can we turn this into a mainstay restaurant please?! Or convert into a yoga studio or art studio?
A hearty complaint registered to every single person who has run into me while staring at their cell phone. Special thanks to those who didn’t say “excuse me”.
Honorable mention to everyone chatting or FaceTiming on speaker.
My jerk of an upstairs neighbor and their devil children who are training as a marching bamd / tap dancers with no carpet. After kindly asking several times they just ignore and go on their business. Absolute jerks.
Grievances 2023
* Any driver of a motorized vehicle, moped, scooter, bicycle, Segway wheel riding on sidewalks.
* Same motorized vehicle drivers ignoring traffic laws, going opposite traffic on one way streets, driving through red lights, riding on pedestrian-only pathways in city parks
*The unavoidable second-hand smoke from cigarettes, vapes and joints.
* Americans so ignorant they still believe our former celebrity-in-chief cares about our country, our people or anything other than his own wallet, media exposure, and chocolate cake.
At French roast outdoor cafe, about 15 years ago. I ordered the hamburger and fires and a glass of wine. When my order arrived, I noticed that the French fries looked more like crumbs left over from the deep-fat fryer. As I was complaining to the manager, one woman diner from a nearby table piped up “Some people like them that way!’ I should haver thrown them at her! If I ever meet her in heaven, or in hell, I will remind her of how she ruined my meal.
I may be a day late but I can’t let this grievance sit any longer. I’ve got a problem with you people and it’s time you heard it. I’m speaking about all you New Yorkers who are going out less and/or going home earlier. You’re the reason NY is less like NY. Our options are far more limited when seeking a bar open past midnight, nevermind past 2am, or a restaurant past 10pm. C’mon people get out of your apartments. Live a little!