Man Seeks ‘Coronavirus Girlfriend for ‘Germ-Free Monogamy’

A man has been posting signs in Central Park looking for a “coronavirus girlfriend” to get through these troubled times. He says he is healthy, attractive and well-employed and wants to practice “germ free monogamy.” His desired mate should be healthy, fit and clean.

(Let us look at this again. The grammar here is slightly confused — if he is looking for a “girlfriend for coronavirus” it would imply that he hopes to set the coronavirus up with a girlfriend. And frankly ladies, you can do better.)

In any case, this man emailed us back and said, “I have received many responses. As you can imagine social distancing has made meeting people difficult and now we are all in masks and that is a very unapproachable look, so this was my answer to that. This is no time for casual dating or hookups, so I am seeking a long-term and exclusive relationship. I was single when the lockdown began and have been sheltering alone but would prefer not to be. I imagine many women must feel the same, so I created this flier to reach out to one of them. I hung the fliers near running paths because fitness and health are very important to me. I’ve received many responses and so far all have been positive and interested.”

In all seriousness, a large proportion of coronavirus cases are asymptomatic, meaning someone can look healthy but be carrying this deadly disease. So, maybe consider staying solo a little longer? Yes it can be a lonely time, BUT if your pandemic girl is really the one for you, she’ll be glad to wait until after there’s a vaccine.