By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan
How is it that people need more nuts? A second Nuts Factory has opened on the Upper West Side, just eight blocks from the first Nuts Factory. We like nuts as much as the next person, but whenever we pass by, the stores seem relatively empty. What’s the deal there? And another thing, DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THE COVID VACCINE RULES? They seem to change every day. If you are over 3 and under 65 and know the rules or have a strategy for snagging an appointment, please put that in the comments.
Sometimes even the best advice givers need advice.
Dear Ruthless,
My wife occasionally makes suggestions about my appearance or behavior—how something fits well or doesn’t, how I was an idiot for letting a guy fix a dent in our car in the parking lot of Home Goods for $50 because he had a thing that looked like a vacuum-like contraption to fix the dent. I could never say the things she says to me to her. This seems incredibly unfair.
Signed,
Criticized Carl
Dear Criticized,
KAREN: You are me in my marriage. That contraption sounds awesome; does it work on wrinkles?
CINDY: Welcome to our world. Women spend their lives being told how to look and behave. Consider yourself lucky to have someone who tells you the truth before you walk out the door. And have a sense of humor. That Home Goods incident absolutely deserves her ridicule.
Dear Ruthless,
I grew up in New York City and never learned to drive. I have a very kind network of friends who take me along with them or are willing to give me a lift when I really need one. A couple of them aren’t such fantastic drivers. I don’t always feel safe in their vehicles. They aren’t drunk, or even purposefully reckless, they are just bad or aggressive and I get frightened. Can I say something? Or should I not look a gift horse in the mouth?
Signed,
Chauffeured
Dear Chauffeured,
KAREN: If you are legitimately scared, find another ride. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut. Drivers don’t care to be assessed by a non-driver.
CINDY: Ugh, feeling trapped in a car with a bad driver is the worst. Well, not the worst, but pretty bad. Trust your gut. If they are doing something illegal, like speeding or using their phones, speak up. If they are just bad at driving, and some people are, find another way to get around.
Dear Ruthless,
Do you tip a physical therapist?
Signed,
Injured and Cheap
Dear Injured,
KAREN: I would not tip your PT. It’s like tipping a doctor. That said, if you want to show extra appreciation, leave a good review or buy a nice birthday or holiday gift.
CINDY: KB, you don’t tip your doctors? Haha, just kidding! They should be tipping us for all the time we spend in waiting rooms and dealing with insurance.
Dear Ruthless,
I donate to a reasonable amount of GoFundMe funds. At a dinner party, a friend suggested that unless you give anonymously, you are just looking for attention and gratitude and people to talk about how generous you are. I usually leave my name on the donation. What do you think of her opinion?
Signed,
Not Anonymous,
Dear Not,
KAREN: As the person who waits for the barista to return to the cash register so she can see me put a tip in the tip jar, I say leave your name.
CINDY: If someone helped me, I would like to know who that someone is. Similarly, I want the people I support to know I care about them. It’s not about credit or thanks. I bet your anonymous friend tells everyone which GoFundMes she contributes to, and crows that she did it anonymously, as though she is too selfless for thanks.
Dear Ruthless,
We have tickets to a Broadway show that we bought six months ago. Turns out back-to-school night is the same night. We have four kids, the last two are in high school, and they couldn’t care less. Are we the bad parents if we don’t go?
Signed,
Tired of School
Dear Tired,
CINDY: I don’t care if you stay home in your pajamas and stream Law & Order repeats. If your kids don’t care, you are off the hook. Although, you should come up with a better excuse for the teacher.
KAREN: I once missed a back-to-school night for a book tour and got called out by the teacher. Suck it up and go, but pack a flask.
Ruthless author Cindy Kaplan is performing one night only this week (Thursday) at the Evolution Festival at St. Paul and St. Andrew on the Upper West Side. To see her Cindy of Arc act, with three other musicians, go here — TICKETS!
Read all Ruthless Advice columns here.
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This is always the best thing to find in my in box ! Thanks Cindy and Karen. I know your live show , The Ruthless Comedy Hour, never disappoints either! I’ll be at your next one September 25 at 7:30pm at New York Comedy Club at 236 W 78th St
My understanding about the covid vaccine rules: if you want to get t he vaccine, you can ask for one. Not sure if your insurance will cover it, but I’m sure your Dr or pharmacy will tell you that.
https://www.nychealthandhospitals.org/covid-19-resources-for-all-new-yorkers/covid-19-vaccines/
Re: Broadway Tix versus Back to School night — For heaven’s sake, don’t miss the show! Call the teacher and tell her you can’t attend school night. It will show her that you have your eye on your kids doing their homework–and that she can call you if they act up.
Love Ruthless Advice.
Your friends aren’t bad or aggressive drivers, you just have anxiety related to cars and that’s probably why you never learned to drive. You’re already a burden on them so just let them be.
You gotta be kidding. Given what Broadway tickets cost, anyone (who’s not wealthy ) should understand making the choice to go to the play, instead of the back to school night.
About the vaccine – my understanding is that (in NY, at least), if you want one, you will be able to get one. Your pharmacist can prescribe it, apparently, at your request. I know people who are going to ask for one because they have a medical condition that’s not on the “federal list” or have a family member who is, or work with people who are vulnerable, or travel extensively and do not want to bring the buggy bugger home, etc. I am not sure whether insurances will all cover it (my understanding is that the current policies – i.e. 2025 – still very well could, cover it but that next year’s – if there ARE any policies available to millions of us who’d be losing healthcare – are all bets and needles are off). The advice of a healthcare friend – get any vaccines you need (Pneumonia, shingles, flu, Covid, whatever) before the end of 2025. Happy pin-cushion to the lot of us!
Love this column! Thanks for lightening my day!
Is this column called Ruthless because you fired Ruth?
Walgreens is giving the new covid shot. Their website said when I made reservation two weks ago that I needed a prescription. Check their website for updates. I am within original age requirements. Do not know if that has changed.
Am I the only one who finds this column neither funny nor helpful? It attempts to be both, but ends up being neither.
No, I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one. There must be others who lack a sense of humor.
You are a downer. Don’t read it and leave the rest of us to enjoy.
I’m not saying it shouldn’t be published. I just don’t think it is funny but I guess I’m supposed to go with the flow and pretend I like it. God forbid we have different opinions.
Oy! It’s both, and gives us a moment to ponder the answers provided, how we’d react, and so much more for keeping the mind working well. It’s funny at times, and then the comments can amuse and educate, as well.
My way of dealing with columns and articles that do not please is to ignore them, and I’d suggest that to you, as well.
Karen and Cynthia, keep up the delightful column. However, I will tell you that we have precious few opportunities to see our kids’ high school teachers in person – no field trips, no quarterly parent/teacher conferences, etc. so I do recommend that the parents with the fancy tix each take one of their HS kid’ schedules and attend BTSN.
Exchange the tickets – there are websites to help with that, or even possibly at the box office. I was on the Board of Education for years, and a volunteer in schools for years before that – it’s as important for the teacher to see the parent as parent to see the teachers.
My junior high school math teacher (my all time favorite) and my mother became great friends because they each spoke Latin! I’d sit there and they would discuss me in Latin.
If you schedule a vaccine at CVS, no one is checking to see whether you have a high-risk condition. (I do, but I didn’t have to prove it or anything when I got mine recently.)
I was brought up to make donations anonymously. If you make an “anonymous” GFM donation, the campaign owner still sees your name. It’s more about not taking credit in front of other people.
The GoFundMe question reminds me of Mr. Bennington’s “strictly anonymous sizable donation” in the romcon Return to Me. I think as long as you’re not repeatedly announcing your generosity in public it’s fine to leave your name. Who even reads those lists of donors?