By Liza Cooper
It’s Election Day and our neighborhood has the highest voter registration rate in New York City. We take voting seriously, so the narrow polling margins have everyone on edge.
As The Love Coach (TLC) of the Upper West Side, I wondered, “How do politics and romance mix?” So, I took my red-and-white sign to a nearby polling place, inviting passersby to “Talk to me About Love, Dating, Relationships,” and election stress in this politically charged time.
Here is a sampling of my conversations.
Richard, age 83, and Roberta, age “younger than him”
Roberta: We met through the organization Parents without Partners and have been together 41 years. Second marriage is the best thing that ever happened to us.
Richard: After I proposed to her, I proposed to her little boy, who is now our successful adult son!
TLC: What’s the secret to your relationship?
Roberta: Communication.
Richard: Being best friends.
TLC: I approve! There’s a big election coming up. Are you aligned?
Richard: There is only one way to vote in this election.
TLC: How do you deal with the tight race?
Richard: Trying to find a country to move to if things go wrong.
Roberta: I volunteer writing political postcards. We turn off the news.
Richard: Since you’re a love coach, let me add that I am the luckiest man alive to have met this woman.
Yahaira, age 47
TLC: How are you dealing with election stress?
Yahaira: Drinking lots and lots of wine (laughs).
TLC: Are you on the same page as your partner?
Yahaira: Wouldn’t be with him otherwise. I was born in the Dominican Republic, but I’m a naturalized citizen. My husband and I use humor to cope and tease each other about who will be deported first if things go awry.
TLC: Humor can get you through almost anything. How do you sustain a loving relationship?
Yahaira: Quality, above all – in my partner, our conversations, and our time together.
Sophie and Brian, married, and friend Caroline, all age 30
TLC: How do you guys deal with election stress?
Caroline: We have this gigantic bucket of candy to eat away our worries.
TLC: That helps for sure! Could you have married someone who votes differently than you?
Sophie: No, we had to be on the same page.
Caroline: In these times, there’s no other way.
Sue, age 81 and Lila, “in my 50’s” (neighbors)
Sue: It would be impossible to imagine being with a partner who didn’t agree with me politically; I would just think of them as ignorant.
TLC: What about you? Would you date someone who differed politically?
Lila: Politically, yes. I can have reasonable discussions and differences. As a New Yorker, I can root for the Yankees even if you are for the Mets. We can have that rivalry, but there is no way I can be coupled up with anyone who is against progress.
Natalie, age 54
Natalie: We met on Match.com 22 years ago. My screenname was WestSideStoryGirl and his was SushiFanatic. Scrabble was our mutual interest. Because I had written in my profile that I loved all things Spanish, he booked our first date at Pedro Almodovar’s favorite restaurant. He also had a backup plan! I was hooked.
TLC: Attention to preferences is lovely. What about your political views these days?
Natalie: My husband and I are on the same team, but we don’t talk about it. It causes too much stress and frustration. While we are voting alike, he is doing it to knock out the competition, and I just like my choice – for women everywhere.
Nicole, Age 26
Nicole: Just had a breakup and am heartbroken. It’s my first visit to NYC from Italy, and quite a time to be here personally and geopolitically.
TLC: Very sorry to hear about your relationship and want to talk more about that. But I’m curious, what do you think of our election?
Nicole: It’s crucial, because America is one of the biggest political players in the world. Kamala would be the first woman president which is very meaningful. On the other hand, Trump represents the average American man. So, it’s like a fight between opposites!
TLC: Interesting description! If you were to date again, would your partner need to have your politics?
Nicole: No, I’m open-minded. I love being with someone different from me. If they bring a new perspective, then my life is enriched.
TLC: Bellissima! You will heal and love again, for sure.
Liza Cooper is a Love & Dating Coach.
Share your question or perspective in the comments. Liza responds to every single one!
I live in Lincoln Square, and left town for the election. Are multiple businesses in Lincoln Square all boarded up like they were 4 years ago? Last election these businesses boarded up their windows. I asked a few why, and they said that they feared if Trump won, there would be riots like we had just seen that summer in 2020. I just want to know if/when it is safe to return home to the UWS. Thanks!
I haven’t seen any boarded up businesses, but it is certainly a contentious election. That’s why we need more love – if you have any questions on that, let me know!
What a privilege! You’ll be fine, just like the hundreds of thousands of us that live here everyday.
The real question for the WSR readership is whether an Urbanist could be in a relationship with a NIMBY!
I am sure that is meant as a joke.
Still it seems pretty cynical and depressing…..
More stratification and causes of division…
I can’t imagine how hard it would be to be in a relationship with someone across the polarized aisle politically these days. Politics & economics pervade everything. There would be a huge elephant in every room if I couldn’t mention politics to my spouse. It’s all we talk about these days!
Well you are in good company with many of the Upper West Siders I met! Politics often do involve personal values and deeply-held beliefs, and it makes sense that partners would be aligned on those. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I always wonder how Carville & Matalin do it!?! Apparently on the UWS we gotta be on the same political page as our partner!
It is called being grownup. That is how they do it.
I love them both!
Some people don’t prioritize politics and others can put them aside and find common ground, or what their partner offers to a relationship feels more important than party. It was definitely challenging finding couples or daters on the UWS like that, but I know they are out there!
Thank you for your comment. Carville and Matalin are a great example – sometimes two politically engaged people can really stimulate each other’s minds, even if the principles are different!