By West Side Rag
Earlier this month, West Side Rag put out the call for the best alternative new name for Absolute Bagels, which was recently renamed to 2788 Broadway.
You did not disappoint.
WSR received more than 350 comments with hundreds of name submission possibilities. Thank you to everyone who submitted their idea and who cast their votes in the comments.
Given the number of submission, we’ve decided to crown three winners.
Without further ado.
Our first winner is Jacob with Relative Bagels.
The submission received the most upvotes of any comment with 66 and is a great play on the old name.
Our second winner is Nicole with Absolutely Not Absolute Bagels.
And our third winner is Lee with Hole Foods. Importantly, not Whole Foods.
Honorable mentions include:
- Absolutely Bagels
- Bagel Schmagel
- Bloomingdale Bagels
- Definite Bagels
- Not Absolute Bagels
- Positively Bagels
- Resolute Bagels
- Straus Park Bagels
- Ultimate Bagels
If you are one of the three winners, please look out for an email Wednesday morning from info@westsiderag.com to the address that you used to write the comment. WSR T-shirts and other swag are in your near future.
Subscribe to West Side Rag’s FREE email newsletter here. And you can Support the Rag here.
I think my entry, “Moland Spring” is a brilliant name invoking the ridiculous nature of the entire folly, and an homage to Seinfeld. It should’ve won. That’s a shame.
“I am the funniest and MY entry should have won actually”
These Bagels are making me Thirsty!
Today Moland, tomorrow the upper east side.
But I honored Seinfeld too+extraordinary soup and didn’t get very many likes. But I never expected to win–just to get a laugh or two.
How many people are old enough to have been to the actual No Soup For You? I was there.
Relative to what?
And yes I apprehend that award was give base on the number of likes.
it’s a play on relative vs absolute maximum or minimum
Right, but “relative” is relative, while “absolute” is ultimate.
Relative Bagels is a terrible name.
disagree
It is a terrible name. But it’s a funny joke.
But a good joke
Lame joke as well.
I really wanted AIPAC bagels, can’t be criticized.
Bagel Schmagel is the best answer
This is the correct answer among these choices. And as noted above, is actually funny vs unfunny and lame.
The winning name from Jacob is a clever play on the name. Memories of High School… Absolute refers to a fixed, independent value or position, while Relative indicates a value compared to or dependent on a reference point.
I love it, yay for UPWers for supporting Relative Bagels! I hope you all are in touch with the store owners themselves, and they consider accepting the new suggested name.
For that matter, do they even know that this discussion is going on?
I would have renamed it Holey Rollers.
I think people need to keep in mind that this was a WSR contest – not a contest sponsored b y the bagel store itself. So they are not obligated to use any of the entries in this contest, or to change their name at all.
It doesn’t matter anyway, everyone is just gonna keep calling it absolute bagels anyway
Relative was the first one my wife said when I told her about the contest but I posted something else. She’s always been smarter than me….
I didn’t even get honorable mention. I guess I’m a loser and I’ll always be a loser.
I’ve always preferred bialys anyway.
Gary, I agree re the bialys.
I still like One Bagel After Another, with a nod to the Oscars.
I am thrilled to have an Honorable Mention!
Have the new owners actually picked a new name or used one of these?
I think you should have more contests.
I can’t remember which one is mine, but I think at least one is.