By West Side Rag
It has been too long since West Side Rag ran a contest.
While in the past, we’ve done contests centered on the comments, poetry, and photos, this time around we want to hear from you about something else:
What would be a good new name for Absolute Bagels?
Earlier this week, WSR reported that the New Absolute Bagels had changed its name to 2788 Bagels, after the owner of the original Absolute Bagels threatened legal action. The new bagel shop kept it simple in finding an alternative name, using its 2788 Broadway address as inspiration.
In the comments of that story, multiple people expressed their disappointment with the new name. Some offered their own ideas for what to call the store now.
And that’s what we’re asking readers to do: brainstorm your ideas for renaming Absolute Bagels and put your best answer in the comments below. The contest is not authorized by the store, and there’s no guarantee any suggestions from Rag readers would end up on the shop’s banner. But we will guarantee WSR prizes — West Side Rag shirts and other swag — for two winners, based on the number of likes a suggestion gets, plus our own deliberation as an editorial staff.
Please use a real email address when you submit your entry in the comment section.
Good luck!
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Moland Spring
Absolutely Not Absolute Bagels
Here’s my new, improved list of names submitted here multiple times (as of ~10:00 AM Monday), to save — or cause — contributors a little effort:
Absolutely Bagels
Absolutely Best Bagels
Absolutely Not Absolute Bagels
Absolution Bagels
Artisan Bagels
Bagel Schmagel
Bagelicious
Bagels Schmagels
Best Bagels
Bingo Bagels
Bloomingdale Bagels
Broadway Bagels
Definite Bagels
Everything Bagels
Not Absolute Bagels
Obsolete Bagels
Penultimate Bagels
Phoenix Bagels
Positively Bagels
Ray’s Original Bagels
Relative Bagels
Resolute Bagels
Strauss Park Bagels
Thai Bagels
The Best Bagels
Torus Bagels
Ultimate Bagels
Upper Best Side Bagels
Utter Bagels
UWS Bagels
For purposes of general edification, here’s a convenient list of names submitted multiple times (as of ~2:30 PM Saturday):
Absolutely Bagels
Absolutely Best Bagels
Absolutely Not Absolute Bagels
Absolution Bagels
Best Bagels
Everything Bagels
Phoenix Bagels
Positively Bagels
Relative Bagels
Strauss Park Bagels
Torus Bagels (attn. Michael wong)
Ultimate Bagels
Utter Bagels
UWS Bagels
I think there was also Absolute Value Bagels, and no doubt others that I can’t remember – from the previous discussion of this topic in the comments on the earlier article.
I Can’t Believe It’s not Absolute Bagels
RIP Absolute Bagels Memorial Bagel Store
Relative Bagels
You beat me to it!
Broadway Bagels
Titanic Bagels
Bloomingdale Bagels
Broadway Bagels is taken (101st & Broadway)
Bloomingdale Bagels is good!
Love Bloomingdale Bagels 🙂
Resolute Bagels. This bagel shop absolutely will not quit.
You beat me to it!
Absolut Bagel of course https://imgur.com/a/fzi4aE5
And a new lawsuit.
“Bagels? Absolutely!”
“Bagel Absolutism”
“A Bagel Shop Offering Lox on UWS, Try Everything” (ABSOLUTE)”
I also vote for Relative Bagels, but some others:
Shmabsolute Bagels
One With Everything
Kettle One Bagels
Ultimate Bagels
Schmear Campaign / The Schmear Necessities
Paradise Lox / Total Lox
Caper Diem
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Hole Foods
this would lead to so many useless confusing convos, though it is funny!
Hole Bagels?
Bagel of All Bagels
Total Bagels
Absolute’s TOO! (Like Mama’s TOO pizza)
Not familiar.
With respect, if I were to win a contest that led to the renaming of a bagel store, I would expect more than a simple t-shirt. I would expect bagels for life! 😉 And maybe even a permanent 1% of all profits of the store. 😉
Lighten up Francis.
This is The Rag’s contest, not the store’s.
True. But what if the store decides that one of the ideas here is worth using? Given the “big bucks” that advertising firms can get for branding, it means that person would be being “ripped off.” 😉
Yup and yup.
Toasted
and it could double as a weed dispensary:)
“Not Absolute Bagels”
“Absolute Bagels: Electric Boogaloo”
“2 Absolute, 2 Bagels”
” Absolutely Bagels”
“Indeed Bagels”
“Absolve Bagels”
Wow, who knew this topic is even more popular than Bikelash on the UWS. Almost 300 and counting . I only have time to read the first 20. I’m going to riff on your second one.
Baking 2, Electric Bageloo.
Lol, at myself.
Edit-
Bakin’ 2: Electric Bageloo
Bagels 2: Absolute Boogaloo
Going with your INDEED BAGELS – so good.
Gemini came up with The Lox Smith
Not bad at all
We are all doomed:)
Love it. Since lox has the s sound already, could also do The Lox Myth
It should be called “definitely bagels”
Out & Out Bagels
Bagel Abs (For all of us who would choose having a half dozen over having a six-pack)
Bagel Street
Absolutely Not Bagels
Independent Bagels
Bay 🕊️ Gulls
Ambiguous Bagels
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE OTHER GUYS BAGELS
Hole in One Bagel
Holy Bagels!
Hole in One Bagels.
Holy Bagels Batman!
Holesome Bagels
Love You Lox
The Hole Truth
Schmear Pressure
Wanatit (Sunday in Thai) Bagels!
Gale Brewer Bagels! If Roy Rogers lent his name to a fast food joint, so can Gale Brewer!
Sorry, that would have to be the Shawn Abreu Bagels, he represents the area where Absolute (ex-Absolute?) bagel is located.
Gale Brewer is still the UWS staple in a way others aren’t!
AbFab Bagels or Absolutely Fabulous Bagels
Definitive bagels
World-Famous Original Absolute Bagels, brought to you by Absolute Vodka.
It’s Ray’s Famous Original Absolute Bagels,
“Bagel Valley”
“One-oh!-Eight Bagels”
Or One-oh-ate
Cease and Desist Bagels
A Fine Bagel!
Resolute Bagels
Strauss Bagels — for Strauss Park
Alma Bagels — for my cousin
Uncertain bagels
Bagel Joint
Some candidates:
Call Your Lawyer
Dumb Absolute Bagels
Ab solute (no relation)
Obsolete Bagels
The Bagel Has Landed
Absolution Bagels (thus absolving new owners of liability)
HMS Bagel (becuz Charles Darwin)
Rick’s Bagel Americain (becuz Humphrey Bogart lived down the street)
Good ones!
You could go into the bagel business yourself.
Bagels Without Limits!! Or Bagels Infinity!
Somporn’s Bagels
World’s Fair Bagels
Nassau Bagels