By West Side Rag
It has been too long since West Side Rag ran a contest.
While in the past, we’ve done contests centered on the comments, poetry, and photos, this time around we want to hear from you about something else:
What would be a good new name for Absolute Bagels?
Earlier this week, WSR reported that the New Absolute Bagels had changed its name to 2788 Bagels, after the owner of the original Absolute Bagels threatened legal action. The new bagel shop kept it simple in finding an alternative name, using its 2788 Broadway address as inspiration.
In the comments of that story, multiple people expressed their disappointment with the new name. Some offered their own ideas for what to call the store now.
And that’s what we’re asking readers to do: brainstorm your ideas for renaming Absolute Bagels and put your best answer in the comments below. The contest is not authorized by the store, and there’s no guarantee any suggestions from Rag readers would end up on the shop’s banner. But we will guarantee WSR prizes — West Side Rag shirts and other swag — for two winners, based on the number of likes a suggestion gets, plus our own deliberation as an editorial staff.
Please use a real email address when you submit your entry in the comment section.
Good luck!
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Moland Spring
Absolutely Not Absolute Bagels
RIP Absolute Bagels Memorial Bagel Store
Relative Bagels
You beat me to it!
Broadway Bagels
Titanic Bagels
Bloomingdale Bagels
Resolute Bagels. This bagel shop absolutely will not quit.
You beat me to it!
Absolut Bagel of course https://imgur.com/a/fzi4aE5
“Bagels? Absolutely!”
“Bagel Absolutism”
“A Bagel Shop Offering Lox on UWS, Try Everything” (ABSOLUTE)”
I also vote for Relative Bagels, but some others:
Shmabsolute Bagels
One With Everything
Kettle One Bagels
Ultimate Bagels
Schmear Campaign / The Schmear Necessities
Paradise Lox / Total Lox
Caper Diem
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Hole Foods
Hole Bagels?
Bagel of All Bagels
Total Bagels
Absolute’s TOO! (Like Mama’s TOO pizza)
Not familiar.
With respect, if I were to win a contest that led to the renaming of a bagel store, I would expect more than a simple t-shirt. I would expect bagels for life! 😉 And maybe even a permanent 1% of all profits of the store. 😉
Toasted
and it could double as a weed dispensary:)
“Not Absolute Bagels”
“Absolute Bagels: Electric Boogaloo”
“2 Absolute, 2 Bagels”
” Absolutely Bagels”
“Indeed Bagels”
“Absolve Bagels”
Gemini came up with The Lox Smith
Not bad at all
We are all doomed:)
It should be called “definitely bagels”
Out & Out Bagels
Bagel Abs (For all of us who would choose having a half dozen over having a six-pack)
Bagel Street
Absolutely Not Bagels
Independent Bagels
Bay 🕊️ Gulls
Ambiguous Bagels
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE OTHER GUYS BAGELS
Hole in One Bagel
Holy Bagels!
Hole in One Bagels.
Holesome Bagels
Love You Lox
The Hole Truth
Schmear Pressure
Wanatit (Sunday in Thai) Bagels!
Gale Brewer Bagels! If Roy Rogers lent his name to a fast food joint, so can Gale Brewer!
AbFab Bagels or Absolutely Fabulous Bagels
Definitive bagels
World-Famous Original Absolute Bagels, brought to you by Absolute Vodka.
“Bagel Valley”
“One-oh!-Eight Bagels”
Cease and Desist Bagels
A Fine Bagel!
Resolute Bagels
Strauss Bagels — for Strauss Park
Alma Bagels — for my cousin
Uncertain bagels
Bagel Joint
Some candidates:
Call Your Lawyer
Dumb Absolute Bagels
Ab solute (no relation)
Obsolete Bagels
The Bagel Has Landed
Absolution Bagels (thus absolving new owners of liability)
HMS Bagel (becuz Charles Darwin)
Rick’s Bagel Americain (becuz Humphrey Bogart lived down the street)
Bagels Without Limits!! Or Bagels Infinity!
Somporn’s Bagels
World’s Fair Bagels
Nassau Bagels