By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan
Christmas is here! We just have to get through Thanksgiving first. Our suggestions are as follows: Use the airport disarray to advantage. That bigoted uncle from Montana? Let him know you do not expect him to deal with travel delays or canceled flights and you forgive him if he wants to stay local. Don’t want to go to your in-laws in Palm Beach? Quietly plan your own Friendsgiving and “catch Covid” the Tuesday before. No need to risk the health of the elders! To us, Thanksgiving is all about being thankful, thankful for those you love and who love you, for the gift of food on the table, and for your brain, which can help you decide the best way not to torture yourself.
Also! If you are rich or partly rich or just a little rich, please support your local food pantry.
Dear Ruthless,
My friend keeps borrowing money and “forgetting” to pay me back. According to her Instagram feed, she just took herself to Canyon Ranch for the weekend. Do I say something?
Signed,
Money for Nothing
Dear Money,
CINDY: You betcha. I like the straightforward approach, as in: “Hey, I would be so grateful if you could pay back the money I loaned you. Hope you enjoyed Canyon Ranch!” And do not apologize for asking. The other option is to ask to borrow the exact same amount you loaned her.
KAREN: Ask her if she needs your Venmo address.
Dear Ruthless,
I have a new girlfriend. We’ve been dating for four months and we’ve already met each other’s families. Due to the recent airport mess, I’ve decided not to try to fly home for the holiday. My girlfriend knows this but hasn’t said anything about me coming with her to her family celebration, which is local. Should I ask her about it?
Signed,
Stranded Boyfriend
Dear Stranded,
KAREN: Four months seems like an especially tricky time in a relationship. On the one hand, it feels magical, and on the other it’s the do-I-really-want-to-spend-all-my-time-with -this-one-person? And who knows what their family Thanksgiving looks like? I’m picturing that one family member who has locked himself in a room. Why don’t you offer a rendez-vous post festivities?
CINDY: Ah, the unmentioned upcoming event! A wedding, a birthday party, a holiday meal–we’ve all been not invited to one. Unfortunately, you can either bite the bullet and ask the question or you can assume an invitation is not forthcoming and move on. Ask a good friend if you can tag along. Most families are happy to welcome a non-relative. It’s the best way to keep the real relatives in check.
Dear Ruthless,
My upstairs neighbor wears clogs. Indoors. At all hours. I want to ask her to stop but don’t want to sound like a horrible person.
Signed,
Clog Victim
Dear Victim,
KAREN: You’re not horrible. You’re a person with ears. The only people who should be wearing clogs indoors are Scandinavian woodworkers or home health aides, and theirs should be rubber. You can say something, but make it friendly and factual: “Hey, I’ve been hearing a lot of noise from above — are your floors wood?” If she’s oblivious, add, “I think the sound carries more than you realize — would you mind switching to something softer indoors?” If that feels too aggressive, you can buy her a rug.
CINDY: First, let me ask: Is she a clog dancer? No, okay. Well, clogs, high heels, bouncing balls and wooden blocks getting thrown around by children–this is New York City living. On the other hand, I wear clogs and I wouldn’t want to hear myself clomping about much less someone over my head. Ask nicely. If you can’t afford Karen’s suggestion of a rug, I think a nice pair of slippers might do.
Dear Ruthless,
My sister and I have been trading off Thanksgiving dinner since our parents decided it was too much work. It’s my sister’s turn this year and she has recently become a vegetarian–not for health but for the animals. I can respect that but I love turkey and it’s a big part of Thanksgiving for me. Can I bring a turkey leg or a few slices for my own meal?
Signed,
Turkey Lover
Dear Turkey,
KAREN: If your sister was a vegetarian for health reasons, I would say this is okay. But she’s obviously uncomfortable with eating animals. And you are in her home. Can’t you just eat plants for one meal? I promise you are missing out on nothing.
CINDY: I got married in December and I wanted squash soup for my wedding meal appetizer. I love squash soup. My mother said people would expect a salad and that we could have both. I do not like long drawn-out meals with many courses so I said: If someone wants a salad they can go home afterwards and eat one.
Read all Ruthless Advice columns here.
Subscribe to West Side Rag’s FREE email newsletter here. And you can Support the Rag here.
I’m thankful for Cindy and Karen’s help navigating those tricky holiday obstacles! And for the ultimate holiday joy we should all check out their holiday show December 9th at 7:30pm at New York Comedy Club on west 78th! Guests are Brian Scott McFadden and Sean Altman.
Your upstairs neighbor’s lease if there is one might have a clause requiring her to cover 80 percent of her floor with rugs or carpet in order to cut down noise. I discovered that one when my downstairs neighbor in Queens showed it to me. Or building management or the coop agreement or whatever might say something about it.
Agreed. Also, tell the landlord. He should play the heavy, not you.
Know that if you go to someone else house for Thanksgiving or Christmas and things get out of hand with family and friends and it ruffles your feathers, then you can always leave after the dinner ( why pass up a good meal), or if not hungry then before dinner and excuse yourself or yourselves politely. Problem solved! 🤣👍🏻
“If she’s oblivious, add, …”
Of course she’s oblivious. Most people are. And when you call them out, no matter how politely, they go from oblivious to offended in a fraction of a second. No advice can prevent that. But thanks for the chuckles.