Hello, Upper West Side. Want to Be Friends?

By Yvonne Vávra

Whatever it is I happen to be craving, I walk around thinking everybody else has it. A sense of direction. A kitchen where I don’t have to duck, reach, and curse just to make toast. A family to sit around big tables with. Easy breathing. And—friends.

Sound like something you want, too? Friends in abundance, for every occasion. One for each corner of life you might never have found on your own. At least one who cracks the code that blasts through all your guards, letting you be completely, safely yourself.

We see snapshots of people’s lives—laughing in front of the bodega, deep in brunch conversations, hugging at the subway entrance—and tell ourselves stories: everyone but us has found their people, has their social life all figured out. But what if that’s just a coworker they barely know? Or that bright smile a mask hiding exhaustion from draining company?

These illusions about other people’s connections make us feel like the odd one out who must have done a lot of things wrong to end up here, wishing for a friend.

And then—boom. Someone says it out loud: I’m lonely. I want friends. Suddenly, the mirage collapses, and the whole neighborhood erupts: Me too!

It happened online. A 33-year-old Upper West Sider posted in the r/UpperWestSide Reddit community about feeling a lack of local connection after a few busy years with little room for friendship. She wanted to meet people—for coffees, strolls, dinners, workouts, and good conversation. “If you’re in a similar boat or just want to say hi, feel free to DM!”

And oh yes, they did. The response was overwhelming. Me too, me too, me too! A whole fleet of similar boats showed up—sharing their own struggles to build a social life and jumping at the chance to be part of whatever came next. Exclamation marks abounded. Someone offered to organize a meetup. A WhatsApp group was created.

Meanwhile, over on Nextdoor, another Upper West Sider posted: “I need friends…I want to live life to the fullest and laugh…Please get in touch.” More than 150 neighbors answered. We all just seem to be waiting for permission to connect—for someone to be brave first and make it safe for the rest of us to follow. Adult friendships don’t just happen anymore like they did when we were younger. Most of us aren’t regularly dropped into social situations where being stuck together long enough does the heavy lifting. Now, we have to create the bond ourselves, and starting from scratch can feel… awkward.

You meet someone interesting, share a friendly spark, and then what? Somehow, it’s less weird to ask someone out with romance in mind than just to hang out. There’s no smooth way to ask for friendship—especially with all that shame that comes with even needing it.

Especially in disorienting times like ours, with the world feeling unstable and all that once seemed certain slipping out of reach, connection is the one steady thing we can build ourselves.

It helps to have a friend to hold onto. And sometimes that very sense of disorientation is what can bring people together. It worked for Upper West Siders more than a hundred years ago.

In 1911, a few dozen neighborhood men formed a group to reminisce about the good old times. As “Ye Olde Settlers’ Association of Ye West Side” they mourned the loss of their version of the neighborhood. The New York Times described them in a 1915 article as senior citizens who’d once lived in small villages on rolling hills and then watched their world vanish at dizzying speed.

Dirt roads and farms had given way to paved streets and grand apartment buildings like the Dakota, the Ansonia, and the Apthorp. The subway had arrived, the real estate boom was roaring, and the Upper West Side had gone from orchards to Beaux-Arts in just a few seasons. So the Olde Settlers did what people do when the ground shifts beneath their feet: They met up and grumbled their way into a community.

Imagine we had to face a shake-up like that today. What if they replaced every building under ten stories with street-darkening high-rises, made all cafés and stores residents-only spaces inside apartment buildings, and turned Zabar’s into a museum? Oh, and paved over two avenues’ worth of Central Park—because why miss out on that sweet real estate money? With all that, we’d moan and grumble so much, we’d be guaranteed lifelong friends.

Luckily, we don’t have to wait for the world to shake to make connections—though it might actually shake up our world if we became the neighbor who says hello first a little more often. It’ll feel weird. It’ll be awkward. It might take a few tries. But at the end of the stumble, you’ll be with the ones you could one day take to Zabar’s Museum and—against odds no Upper West Sider should ever face—be alright.

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