By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan

Hark! The herald angels are trying to avoid the bikers who ride the wrong way in the bike lanes. Happy almost the holidays, Ruthless Advicees. It’s time to start ordering holiday gifts online so you don’t have to run out in the driving sleet on Christmakkah Eve or pay extra for expedited shipping. Since you asked, here is what your Ruthless Advisors would like to find under the Christmenorah this year: Flannel pajamas from L.L. Bean, size small (Black Watch tartan for Cindy and MacLaren for Karen). Also, we enjoy anything chocolate, anything cashmere, and anything that can be returned for cash. 

NOTE: We advise you to send us your holiday questions now to avoid surge pricing.

Dear Ruthless,

Is it ok to spoil your kid that’s home for holiday from college, by making meals he likes and accommodating him on plans? We spent Thanksgiving weekend with my mother-in-law, and she did NOT think this was okay and kept making snide comments. The spoiling had no impact on her, so I  finally told her he’s my child and if I want to spoil him, I can. Was I wrong to speak up? 

Signed,

Loving Mom

Dear Loving,

CINDY: You’re the mom and what you do for your kid is your business. You can tell your mother-in-law that if she wants to be stingy and inflexible with someone, she can do that with her own son and you won’t say a word. 

KAREN: This seems like a good time to start your own Thanksgiving tradition in your own home. Remind her that she is entitled to a single helping of pie and that the chocolate turkeys are just for the kids. 

Dear Ruthless,

My building puts on a gorgeous Christmas display that goes up the day after Thanksgiving. I love the lit tree and many wreaths. So jolly. Meanwhile, tucked off to the side on a small table between two chairs in an inner lobby is what looks like an old-timey electric menorah that maybe got left behind in an estate-condition apartment sale. It sits on a white paper doily (a doily!) which itself sits in a clear plastic dish, as though the electric lights may drip? I know Hanukkah does not celebrate the birth of anyone’s saviour, in fact, like many of my fellow Jews, I don’t even know when Hanukkah is, but come on. Do I say anything?

Signed,

Doily Hater

Dear Doily Hater,

CINDY: Asking for a friend. 

KAREN: I can’t believe you have lived this long and haven’t made peace with the fact that Christmas is a far superior holiday. Better candy, better gifts, better decor. 

Dear Ruthless,

My sister and I have toddlers. We are both Jewish and our husbands are Christian. My sister is telling her child that Santa is real and I am telling my child that he is not. The cousins are spending the holidays together and it has turned into a big fight between us. How do we resolve this? By the way, our husbands don’t care about the issue at all.

Signed,

An Unbeliever

Dear Unbeliever,

KAREN: If you guys acknowledge Christmas at all, it’s pretty Grinchy to deny her this fantasy.  Even if you don’t, you’re ruining it for your niece or nephew. 

CINDY: Perhaps you tell your child that Santa is a little like God. Some people believe and some do not, and who is to say who’s wrong? (Well, me, but I don’t, because I’m polite.)

Dear Ruthless,

We are going to my sister-in-law for the holidays. I want to stay in a nearby hotel but my husband thinks his sister will be insulted. I don’t want to upset anyone, I feel it’s my holiday, too, and I need some alone time. How do I handle this? 

Signed,

Hotel for the Holidays,

Dear Hotel,

KAREN: Is this a hill you want to die on? If it is, tell the sister-in-law you are allergic to something or everything in her house. Or that your therapist says it’s part of your recovery to stay in a nearby hotel. 

CINDY: Die on this hill, unless your sister has a separate guest house with all the amenities.

Dear Ruthless,

I used a pet sitting app to find a dog sitter who could watch my dog in my house this summer and water my courtyard plants. I was away for two weeks and my dog fell in love with her. She’s definitely quirky, but she is a total dog person. However, while she was dog sitting, she left an outside hose on and my basement flooded. Though my insurance didn’t cover all of the damage, I couldn’t ask her to pay the balance ($4K) because she not only has health issues and no insurance, she was unemployed (and homeless — she’d moved East for a three month long dog-sitting gig that got cancelled; we let her stay at our house for another two weeks since she was down on her luck). She was so grateful that she promised life-long free dog sitting for the dog, but not for the holiday season because it’s a big dog sitting money maker. I’m going away for the upcoming holidays and was lucky to get my dog off the waiting list for “the farm” (that’s what I call it), a dog boarding place in the country where he can roam outside all day if he wants. However, the dog sitter texted to say she got a full time job (not dog sitting) and said she could watch my dog for free over the upcoming holidays. I would give up my dog’s coveted spot at the farm if she were to dog sit. But, if she flakes, loses her new job or ends up in the hospital (she has a heart condition), I have no backup plan. Every boarding facility around is booked for the holidays. If she watches my dog, that’s a savings of about $1,500. What should I do?

Signed,

Not Made of Money, But

Dear Money But,

CINDY: I’m sorry, I fell asleep. 

KAREN: If you can afford it, your peace of mind is worth $1,500. And if you ever hire her again, you might consider putting her on a leash.

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