By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan
Hello again from your hyper-local Ruthless Advice columnists Karen and Cindy! We realize some of you are deeply concerned with the future of democracy and may not think to seek advice on more mundane matters, while others need advice no matter the travails of the wider world. We are here for all of you and will continue to be so, even if we have emigrated to Mustique by mid-November.
Kindly send your dilemmas to Info@westsiderag.com, subject line, Ruthless, and we will employ our universal lack of expertise to solve them.
Dear Ruthless,
I’d love to hear you guys address whether parents should insist on using Life360 [a location tracking app] for college students over 18, not with their consent necessarily, but under duress?
Signed,
JY
Dear JY,
KAREN: If it were up to me, my college-aged kids would be microchipped and equipped with a security detail, but alas that’s not what is done. I’ve noticed that many parents choose to spy on their kids without their consent but it’s not fully reliable. I got my kids to agree to share their locations with me as long as I share mine with them. Be aware, however, that crafty teens can easily circumvent tracking apps by separating themselves from their devices.
CINDY: I feel much better when I don’t know where they are and what they are doing all the time. I’m already on Facebook and X and that’s enough people to keep track of.
Dear Ruthless,
I have a house guest who won’t leave. She came for what she said was a weekend to catch up and see shows, but it’s Monday afternoon and as far as I’m concerned, the weekend is over.
Signed,
Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
KAREN: I suggest you needlepoint a pillow with one of my favorite Ben Franklin sayings: Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
CINDY: Strip the bed and eighty-six the towels.
Dear Ruthless,
My mother-in-law bought me a sweater I will never wear and can’t return. Do I need to wear it in front of her? I hate how I look in it.
Signed,
Amanda
Dear Amanda,
CINDY: Over the years, my mother-in-law, a thoughtful and generous person, has bought me all manner of gifts, the pinnacle (or nadir) being a white, pearl covered beret that I believe she may have bought for herself (she loves sparkle; I do not) and given to me when she found herself short a Hanukkah gift. I shall not wear this publicly. However, I recommend wearing all gifts, especially a pearl encrusted beret, at least once to please your MIL with the added benefit of her seeing how terrible it looks on you.
KAREN: You need to wear the sweater. And often. Unless you loathe your spouse, in which case, you can re-gift it back to your mother-in-law for the next family celebration.
Dear Ruthless,
I go out to walk my dog in Central Park every morning and socialize with lots of people. There’s one very sweet woman who always approaches me with her big, shaggy Sheepdog. The problem is, the dog drools…I mean really drools…and I can’t bring myself to stay and talk to her. I’m afraid she feels rejected. I’ve thought of telling her my problem. Should I?
Signed,
Squeamish
Dear Squeamish,
KAREN: First of all, I love a sheepdog, but that doesn’t necessarily influence my answer. Second, and more importantly, you should spend as much time with that dog as possible. There will be a time when your human loved ones drool…I mean really drool…and you need to prepare yourself.
CINDY: If the dog drools all over you, he/she/they drool all over everyone else, including the owners. It will not be a news flash to let them know that you are trying to preserve your outfit for the day. Or wear coveralls and delight in the sheepdog and a new friendship.
Dear Ruthless,
Is it evil to feel a sense of schadenfreude over the indictment of Mayor Adams?
Signed,
Possibly Evil Person
Dear Possibly Evil Person,
CINDY: No.
KAREN: I’m guessing your real name is Bill de Blasio.
See previous Ruthless Advice HERE.
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This is great. Wish I had the courage to ask them a question, but I’m afraid the brutal honesty would break me.
The responses to Possibly Evil Person are comedy gold. One of my coping mechanisms to what’s going on with democracy is to remember to laugh once in a while, and this column is just the medicine I need.
I visited Mustique years ago, so beautiful! I’m jealous of anyone who can go there during the colder months here!
Omg, we don’t know anyone whose been to Mustique. Are you a rock star?
Love this new column I laughed out loud at some answers, would be nice to have pictures accompany some questions ie pearl beret, or yucky sweater to give it an extra lol. I’m hooked!
Will look forward to your next addition weekly? Monthly?
Every two weeks. Send us a question!
Love this column! More please!!!!
Agree!!
Sage wisdom from these ladies ! Anyone interested in seeing more of them, you can check out their next live performance Tuesday, October 29th at 7:30pm at New York Comedy Club 236 W 78th St. Special guest is the Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead!
Dear CIndy, that fish thing was Oscar Wilde 🙂
We Googled. It was definitely Benjamin Franklin. Best leave it to the non-experts, Lori, but we love your enthusiasm!
Hahahaha Karen wrote that response.
Lori, ask us a question so we can give you more smug advice!
This was delightful.
For the dog drool phobe;
Two words, “dog clothes“. You have a dog. You are in the park daily for pre 9 off leash romps and you don’t have a “dog clothes” uni?…
It is not about clothes, but a weak stomach.
I sent a question, but they clearly couldn’t or wouldn’t answer it. That’s ruthless.
If this WASN’T the UWS, I would say all these questions sound made up.
But it is!!!
Cindy here. I received this message and have been asked to quote the writer in the comments, as she sometimes has trouble with computers. “I think Cindy should take that lovely-sounding sparkly white beret, wrap it up nicely, and give it back to her mother-in law for Hanukkah this year. I’m guessing since she is old, she may not even remember having given it. Signed, Cindy’s mother-in-law”