Here’s the UWS Dish: Battle of the Lo Meins

By Abigael T. Sidi

If you read last week’s Dish, you may remember my dad’s clumsy theory about “pleasure receptors” residing who knows where (nose, tongue, palate, brain?) and which supposedly respond to ingredient combinations that just “click”: Sour cream+beef, as in last week’s beef stroganoff; butter+garlic+parsley, as in the French sauce persillade; peanut butter+jelly, as in the eponymous sandwich; and bacon+pretty much anything are such examples of signals for these alleged pleasure receptors.

If these sensory units do indeed exist, mine are completely dominated by whichever variety is activated by lo mein, the classic Chinese stir-fry noodle dish, and my ultimate guilty pleasure.

I’ve had so many of these in the neighborhood that choosing a single one was an impossible task. Instead, as I’ve done in the past when in serious need of cheating, I prepared for a new “battle” episode. So here you have it, a battle of UWS lo meins, in which I vied to include at least one traditional, one Chino-American, and one NYC takeout version.

Disclaimer: These lo meins are not meant to contend with the craftiness of, say, Simply Noodle’s or Jin’s noodle dishes/ramens, nor are they meant to rival the greatness of Ming Wong’s or Wah Fung’s lo meins down in Chinatown. Nor is that what I want from them. What I want from my UWS lo meins is familiarity, a quick hit of unmatched, no-fuss, plain savoriness.

To compare the four versions I selected, I once again decided on a series of criteria:

1. Noodle texture, a.k.a. “QQ” index (spring, bounce, chew)
2. Depth and complexity, a.k.a. wok hei (characteristic high heat stir-fry smokiness)
3. Noodle coating/sauce balance
4. Non-noodle ingredient quality (protein, veggies)
5. “I-could-eat-this-three-times-a-day-until-the-day-I-die-because-it’s-so-good-yet-I-don’t-know-why” factor (which I’ll refer to as the “X-factor” for the sake of my hand health)

Starting with traditional versions, I thought I’d give Moon Kee’s and New Cottage’s a try. Scoring very similarly across all criteria – impeccable QQ, wok hei, and coating, with juicy, fatty and tender meat and crunchy carrots and cabbage – they represent the standard. Both scored satisfactorily on the X-factor, as in finishing your plate long after reaching satiety, but falling short of getting me hooked for life. The roast pork in Moon Kee’s dish, however, was sensational – juicy and tender beyond belief.

Moving on to classic NYC takeout, I’d been recommended to try New Kam Lai, which dishes out a variety of lo meins for the holy grail less-than-$10. Super generous and smoking hot, I was initially set aback by its pungent overall fragrance. Digging in, I thought the lo mein had good QQ, decent wok hei and coating, but quite average meats (thin and lean strips, as opposed to large and juicy dices or slices of roast pork) and there were no greens whatsoever. Very forgettable on the X-factor, it was nonetheless an acceptable, filling meal and a good value for those who, like me, live on a budget.

Lastly, I ended my journey at my beloved La Dinastia, a neighborhood jewel of 40 years, absolutely iconic UWS Chino-Latino restaurant where the dining room hides behind a curtain (ah, childhood memories). Lovingly, the lo mein was served under a bell cover (very convenient for keeping your noodles warm throughout your meal) and with utensils to serve yourself as you go. Low on the QQ index (these noodles are more of the spaghetti type) but fantastic on all other criteria, including X-factor, this lo mein, along with the charming, super old-school Chino-American diner-like setting, is the one that got me hooked. I’ll note that the veggies were plenty – carrots, onions, celery, all for a great crunch to go along with the tender roast pork – but for some reason also included canned mushrooms, which I know I’ll be passing on next time.

This last dish best exemplifies what I tried to convey earlier – when craving lo mein, I’m not necessarily looking for splendorous noodles or sophistication or authenticity of any kind; QQ and wok hei be damned, I just want that rush of umami, that X-factor, for my “pleasure receptors”.

The Dishes:
Moon Kee’s Roast Pork Lo Mein ($18)
New Cottage’s Beef Lo Mein ($15.50)
La Dinastia’s Roast Pork Lo Mein ($18.50)
New Kam Lai’s Roast Pork Lo Mein ($9)

The Restaurants:
Moon Kee: 2642 Broadway (between West 100th and 101st streets)
New Cottage: 2199 Broadway (corner of West 78th Street)
La Dinastia: 145 West 72nd Street (between Columbus and Amsterdam avenues)
New Kam Lai: 890 Amsterdam Avenue (between West 94th and 95th streets; two other locations on UWS)

Read all Here’s the UWS Dish columns here.

Subscribe to West Side Rag’s FREE email newsletter here. And you can Support the Rag here.