Ruthless Advice for Upper West Siders: All of the Answers With None of the Expertise

By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan

The Ruthless Advice column along with the West Side Rag are pleased to announce that after a long and pushy campaign, Cindy and Karen were awarded the Nobel Prize in Advice.

Dear Ruthless, 

I am part of a very long term friend group consisting of four couples. I’m pretty sure there is an affair going on between the wife of one couple and the husband of another. Do I say anything to anybody?

Signed,

Witness for the Transgression

Dear Witness,

KAREN: It pains me to say this because I love a juicy story, but keep your trap shut.

CINDY: I tend to agree with Karen on this. However, I would ask you, Witness, if either of them is a best friend, someone who would expect you to have their back? If so, you may consider what the over/under is re their feeling of betrayal when they find out you knew or suspected. I don’t know what over/under really means, since I don’t bet on sports, but it sounds right. If you do talk, make sure you’ve got your facts down cold.

Dear Ruthless,

My wife and kids and I are supposed to be staying with my wife’s cousins in Georgia, and I know they keep guns in the house. I’m really uncomfortable with this. My wife is agnostic, as she grew up around guns. Those were different times though, am I right?

Signed,

Peacenik on West 106th

Dear Peacenik,

CINDY: You are right. My uncle kept hunting rifles in a locked case and he told no one where the bullets were kept. But I wouldn’t want my kids in a house with guns. Some people treat them too casually and some people are just NUTS. Get a hotel room and only go to their house with assurances that they follow safe storage procedures.

KAREN: Tell him you’re bringing your guns.

Dear Ruthless, 

I work in an office with a communal fridge. Someone keeps taking my oat milk. I need to know how to handle this.

Signed,

Milkless in Manhattan

Dear Milkless,

KAREN: I’m not going to judge you if you put some curdled milk in the carton or set up a nanny cam.  But I also want you to get your oat milk.  Could you get a teeny tiny fridge for your desk or carry the oat milk back and forth? Sidebar: I’m surprised two people in one office drink oat milk.

CINDY: There was a time before interweb newspapers when someone kept stealing our analog NY Times from in front of our door. I left a note that said: IF YOU CAN AFFORD TO LIVE IN THIS BUILDING, YOU CAN AFFORD TO BUY YOUR OWN PAPER. It was effective. Write your name in large Sharpie letters on the carton along with a judgmental message.

Dear Ruthless,

My roommate is also my landlord. She charges me reasonable rent but she’s always leaving me Post-It notes like “Remember to take out the trash if you have time.” And, “Could you vacuum?”  I never see her doing these things and I’m conflicted about whether I should say something.

Signed,

Not Your Maid

Dear Not,

KAREN: I would roll over here.  It’s so hard to get reasonable rent in this city.

CINDY: Don’t say anything. Just create a schedule with the days of the week along the top and all the tasks down the left side. Write your name into some boxes and hers into others. Tape it to the door of the fridge.

Dear Ruthless,

I live in a building where board members think they are morally superior to mere shareholders.  They talk about governance as if it’s a public service. Any suggestions on how to deal?

Signed,

Irritated

Dear Irritated, 

KAREN: Yes, board members often act as if they are ruling a fiefdom, but that job sounds like a time suck.  They have to go through everyone’s building applications, shoulder responsibility for finances, oversee staff and make sure the property value isn’t sinking.  That’s a lot.  If they want to feel important, let them.

CINDY: I wouldn’t be on a building’s board for all the potato chips in the world. What a thankless job fit only for people who are community minded or like to be in charge, usually the latter. I feel superior NOT being a board member.

Read all Ruthless Advice columns here.

Subscribe to West Side Rag’s FREE email newsletter here. And you can Support the Rag here.