By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan
Ah, the calm, the languid pace, the easy access to normally hard-to-get restaurant reservations for dining al fresco, the lush greenery of Central Park, live music at Summerstage or on Governors Island, the quiet neighborhood streets resplendent with the scent of steaming street garbage and dog pee, rats doing their thing. Yes, it’s summer in the city and we’re here for all of it, even the rats, who are very smart and make good pets if you give them half a chance.
And friends, while we have your attention, don’t forget to vote today; it’s your civic duty and a privilege of living in a (still, well almost, dear God, hopefully) democratic society.
Dear Ruthless,
I live on Long Island, but have to be on the Upper West Side by 8 a.m. every day for work. With traffic, it takes me 90 minutes. The train is super inefficient for me, and I can’t move to the city for financial reasons. If I drove to work in the HOV lane, it would save me 15-20 minutes. As a single person, I feel kind of discriminated against. I can’t help having to drive alone. I’ve tried to find someone to carpool with but have had no luck. Should I just do it and hope not to get caught? Does it feel punitive to other single folk?
Signed,
Driving Solo
Dear Solo,
CINDY: Look, the law is the law. And life size blow-up dolls make excellent carpool pals. That’s all I’ll say.
KAREN: Stay out of the lane and use the time productively. Might I suggest audiobooks and podcast subscriptions?
Dear Ruthless,
I like to host dinner parties at my apartment and spend a lot of time planning, including the food, drink, and decor. My friends think they are helping by bringing desserts or wine or flowers, when not only have I accounted for those things, but I also don’t want to have to serve their food and drink or put out their flowers to make them feel good. I think it is an imposition. Can I say something?
Signed,
Martha-ish
Dear Martha-ish,
CINDY: When you send out invites or make your calls, let your friends know that you have it all taken care of and they are just to show up. And if they don’t like arriving empty handed, suggest something that doesn’t interfere with your vision, like nice soaps.
KAREN: I would skip the soaps and ask for cash.
Dear Ruthless,
My hairdresser used to work in a salon owned by someone else. I adore him and always tipped him well. A few years ago, he and a colleague opened their own salon. My mother once told me that you don’t tip the salon owner, but I’m still tipping him. I would feel funny stopping. Can I stop? I mean, he gets the whole fee. Of course, I would still tip the person who washes my hair.
Signed,
Argh
Dear Argh,
KAREN: Yes, he gets the fee. But he has to pay the rent and buy the curling iron. I say, keep tipping.
CINDY: I have the same problem, and I still tip because owning a small business in NY is a thankless endeavor. So I’d rather be a thanker.
Dear Ruthless,
I regularly give money to the GoFundMes of friends and friends of friends. I get thanks from nearly everyone. A woman I know is going through a minor legal issue and set up a GoFundMe for her expenses. I’ve been enjoying her account of the story on social media, so I sent her some money. I did not get a thank you. I mean, no one is even sick. She can’t thank me?
Signed,
Go-thank me
Dear Go,
KAREN:This woman is a menace. I suggest you offer money to the other side.
CINDY: Some people have no manners. Don’t let this squelch your generous spirit. Part of generosity is giving without expecting anything back. Did the elephant you supported through that elephant fund thing call to thank you? I didn’t think so.
Dear Ruthless,
I was at a party for the Tonys at a friend’s, and once everyone was there she announced that the wine and mixed drinks were on the kitchen island. Then she looked at me, said my name, and said that there was plenty of nonalcoholic stuff as well. Are we supposed to be outing our sober friends? I consider my sobriety a private thing. In fact, I don’t think I ever told her I was sober. What can I say to her or others who are so free with my business?
Signed,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
KAREN: Next time, scream back: Great. Where shall I put your herpes medication?
CINDY: Your sobriety is your business. You should definitely say something to this friend. Really, it would be a kindness to her because she’ll get a reputation as a loud mouth, if she doesn’t have that already. It’s very easy to take a sober friend aside and say there are plenty of beverage options, or say the same to the group without calling people out.
Subscribe to West Side Rag’s FREE email newsletter here. And you can Support the Rag here.
Thanks ladies for the laughs through this heat! And can’t wait for TONIGHT’S show at 7:30pm, New York Comedy Club 236 W 78th St. MaryHarron, who was just celebrated at the Tribeca Film Festival for the 25th anniversary of American Psycho will be the interview guest and Gregg Rogell is the stand up!!!
Driving Solo should be happy he can reach the Upper West Side without being hit by the $9 congestion-pricing fee.
I would tell “Driving Solo” to take public transportation, relax and take a little snooze until she arrives .
I love this!! More Karen and Cindy please!
Thanks so much, Regina. I do a newsletter every week — with links to previous Ruthless advice plus recommendations for fun stuff–feel free to sign up at karenbergreen.com
Re: guests bringing food/flowers to a hosted party (vs a pot luck). Of course you DO NOT bring things that require a vase, to be served, etc. That is an imposition. What I always bring is something special for the host to enjoy at their leisure: a bottle of my favorite aged balsamic, a jar of homemade jam, local honey from the farmer’s market, etc. Things that are clearly for their personal use. And yes, soaps could count, so sometimes I bring a little bundle of my late grandmother’s favorite English Lavender soap, inexpensive, yes, but in a bag of half a dozen, a nice gift, with the note that they make your closets, suitcases, drawers ….etc smell delightful.
On behalf of a (fairly inebriated, from the looks of it) rat that I’ve seen weaving between ‘summer scented’ garbage bags the other day, I want to thank you for suggesting them as pets, and want to add that I hear they make ESPECIALLY good pets in the bucolic views of the rural habitats far away from the city… [Jokes aside, the son of a friend has two rats as pets – raised from wriggly hairless wormy things that emerged out of his previous pet-rat, by now in rat-heaven) – they are the non-garbage-roaming breed, and he swears by their intelligence. They’re called Comet and Halley. ]
Sobriety is a secret now???
Lots of people don’t drink (or prefer not to drink sometimes), for lots of different reasons. No one cares! (I know “no one really cares about what you do, if it doesn’t affect them” is hard for New Yorkers to accept!)
I think the advice is great, funny and laced with common sense. Always appreciated. There can’t be too many laughs these days.
Thanks so much, Susan. I do a newsletter every week — with links to previous Ruthless advice plus recommendations for fun stuff–feel free to sign up at karenbergreen.com
Does the “inconvenient” train save Driving Solo the same amount of time as the HOV? If so, it’s not that inconvenient. It it’s a wash, then they are simply experiencing the same thing every person in every city in the world experiences when they can’t use an HOV lane. You’re not being “discriminated against” (massive eyeroll).
They are being discriminated against – which is absolutely the right thing to do when a single person decides to haul themselves, alone, in a 2 ton pile of metal that could seat four and takes just as much space on the road. They just think they’re special, so let’s let them stew.
Ever delightful and, in an effort to avoid excessive capitulation, even informative!
A devoted fan–
Thanks so much, Richard. I do a newsletter every week — with links to previous Ruthless advice plus recommendations for fun stuff–feel free to sign up at karenbergreen.com