By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan
We’re so relieved the administration has reversed some of its early rulings. We mean, who wants Ebola, really? While we hope for more such changes of heart, we, your Ruthless advisors, have decided to consider our own rulings and whether we might regard them with fresh eyes. Well, we have done so and are pleased to share our findings. Following a long-standing ban, Karen now sometimes watches TV during the day. Cindy is eating potato chips on non-weekend days again and has also concluded that Schoenberg is not worth the time, even when offered for free during an orchestra rehearsal at Lincoln Center.
Dear Ruthless,
Lately I’ve seen people cutting flowers and branches from park trees during the Spring bloom. WTF?
Signed,
Flowers for Everyone
Dear Flowers,
CINDY: Ask them if you can take a cutting of fabric from their outfit.
KAREN: It may be worth it for you to carry around a little packet of seeds. Just after you witness the crime, offer them a handful.
Dear Ruthless,
I go to a fancy gym, which I love. I find it clean and orderly and meditative. What I don’t love is being social there. I don’t want to say hello to the trainers whose faces are now familiar, as, probably, is mine, or even other gym-goers. I just want to do my thing and go home. Am I being a jerk? Is it too much to ask for some quiet time?
Signed,
Stealth Exerciser
Dear Stealth,
KAREN: I feel you. I once quit my gym because of this very problem. (Actually, it coincided with the pandemic and the gym closed). I think it’s best to be very smiley, but do not engage. If someone talks to you, point to your ears as if they are stuffed with ear pods.
CINDY: Wear a superhero eye mask like Batman or Robin. People will leave you alone. A cape should seal the deal.
Dear Ruthless,
I’m a 60-year-old man and was raised to treat women w/ respect – opening doors, paying on dates, helping w/ luggage, etc. I don’t do these things because I consider women to be weaker than men, but I realize that in today’s environment these things can be misconstrued. Is it ok for me to continue to do these small acts of kindness and consideration, or do women today consider them to be offensive? If chivalry is in fact dead, did today’s women kill it?
Signed,
Old School Midwestern man
Dear Old School,
KAREN: I was sort of in love with you until you blamed women for the death of chivalry. This is a very complicated question, but I think you should continue to engage in these lovely acts of kindness in addition to demonstrating other forms of respect for the women you spend time with. These may include, but are not limited to, asking for their opinion or their life story. I can’t tell you how many men open the door for me and immediately ask me what my husband does for a living.
P.S. I think the women who get mad at men who open the door for them are no fun.
CINDY: I applaud your courteousness. But, Old School, women didn’t kill chivalry; men insulted by the idea of feminism did. You should continue doing what you think is right, but maybe hold the door for any person, male or female, who is coming up behind you. Offer your luggage services to all luggage-challenged people. Take a male friend to dinner once in a while. Everyone appreciates a little kindness.
Dear Ruthless,
If you see dog poop on the street or on a park path, should you pick it up?
Signed:
Clean Machine
Dear Clean,
KAREN: As someone who hates poop on the street, I am humbled by your suggestion. I don’t know if I could do this; it’s like changing a stranger’s baby’s diaper. But, if you are offering and you have some kind of compulsion, go for it.
CINDY: I always offer poop bags to people I see leaving poop behind, but I don’t pick up the poop if the pooper is long gone. I really hate people who don’t pick up the poop.
Dear Ruthless,
I miss the dining shed sheds from Covid times. I know everyone was glad to see them go, but it felt so European. Am I the only one?
Signed,
Shed Lover
Dear Lover,
KAREN: The rats miss them, too.
CINDY: Try wearing a beret and silk scarf tied jauntily around your throat and meeting friends for take-out in the park. That’s kind of European.
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Love the ” Ruthless Advice” column. Makes me smile every time!
Makes me smile every time too!!! You can catch Ruthless Comedy Hour TONIGHT!!!!!! 7:30pm NY Comedy Club 236 W 78th St. They’ve got some super special guests joining them as well!!!
I plan to check Webster’s for the definition of chivalry…..as I truly appreciate it when someone holds the door for me. I believe I did when I was 40, or 50 and certainly once my carpal tunnel, trigger thumb (look it up, it’s a real thing that a surgeon fixed) and general decrepitude set in. The doors on Target, oh, gosh, thank heavens for the buttons! The doors on that bakery I ought not visit anyway, I figure I’ve burned enough calories opening their door twice to earn the almond croissant.
I hold doors for any person with a walker or stroller, and hope it’s not my elderly (oh, gosh, did I admit to belonging to that adjective) appearance that encourages others to do the same occasionally for me, but seems a nice way to give anyone a little bit of kindness in their day.
You two make me smile. Haven’t seen such lovely humor since W nixed the Dutchess’ column a long time ago. Hoping for a book some day!
P.S. Outdoor seating including sheds is slowly coming back! The w69th to w72nd area is ready for summer dining.
I thought the sheds were no longer legal. No permanent roofs. Has to be open air. No solid walls.
They have to comply with city approved design but they are not illegal.
I miss the old outdoor dining as well – there is way less outdoor dining & sheds that have come back are smaller, more flimsy and way uglier than the ones that got knocked down due to the new guidelines.
But now our NJ neighbors have a few more places to store their cars
We’re thinking a limited series. On Netflix.
Yay! Can’t wait to see you tonight!
Always enjoyable.
I adore this column! Also, it is up to each and every one of us to keep kindness from going extinct. Hold them doors, offer a hand with a stroller, do the kind things. Yeah! And, while we’re at it, with regard to park-mutilators … Just the other day I saw a woman carrying two handfuls of sad cherry cuttings (I could hear the petals sobbing). We were both waiting for the light on CPW by 93rd and she made eye contact … so I took that as an opportunity, nodded at her, and noted, as kindly as I could. “Beautiful blooms, aren’t they? I wonder what would happen if everyone in the park, trimmed some off.” She turned three shades pinker than the cherry blossoms, which I thought was quite appropriate, and the person with her muttered “told you…” under their nose. I nodded at them, too, the light changed, and off I went. Be a voice for the voiceless, I say.
What a perfect thing to say 🙂
This column was VERY funny and on point!