By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan
Well, judging by the first few weeks of the new administration, it looks like it’s going to be a very long four years. Particularly for journalists, such as ourselves. We have deep faith that West Side Rag will continue to be a bastion of hyperlocal truth, fairness, and integrity, and we are proud to be counted among its ranks. In that spirit, we, the authors of the Ruthless Advice column, would like to formally announce our own new slogan, one that speaks to the current state of our neighborhood, of our nation, and of the world.
DEMOCRACY DIES IN D’AGOSTINO’S
We hope this will inspire the confidence our readership needs to seek advice on their lives’ most pressing dilemmas.
Dear Ruthless,
I heard recently that the Guardian Angels are back. What does this mean for the Upper West Side?
Signed,
Vigilante Skeptical
Dear Vigilante Skeptical,
KAREN: Besides having a dramatically deleterious effect on an otherwise fashion-forward neighborhood, not much else. #redberet
CINDY: I beg to differ. The problem is that this is NOT a fashion-forward neighborhood. They look chicer than the rest of us in their berets, crisp t-shirts and tucked in cargo pants, which is not good for our psyche. That said, when I was in college they came to Philadelphia after a rash of attacks on students. I know they meant well but I found them menacing.
Dear Ruthless,
Someone in my life wears a lot of some brand of perfume that I HATE. What should I do? Can I say anything? Being around this person literally makes me feel ill.
Signed,
Scent Sensitive
Dear Sensitive,
KAREN: I hate confrontation, so I would dump the friend. Or you could pull out the old allergy excuse.
CINDY: I’ll tell them for you: Dear people who wear a lot of scent, NOBODY LIKES THAT.
Dear Ruthless,
Our friends’ daughter invited us to her upcoming wedding. In lieu of gifts the couple has asked for money. I think this is very tacky and I would prefer to buy them a tasteful and useful platter. My husband says give them the money. Who is right?
Signed,
Old School
Dear Old,
KAREN: For the love of God, listen to your husband. This is the couple’s marriage and your taste is irrelevant.
CINDY: I agree with Karen, particularly if the young (or old) couple is trying to build some equity, buy a house, or likes to shop and carry packages out of stores themselves. You can always send a check AND a platter. Now I’m going to tell you a story. I knew a couple with loads of money who asked people to donate to a fund to buy a piece of art they liked. This made me nuts. If you can afford to collect high-end art, just buy it yourself. Have a no-gift wedding or tell people to donate to their own favorite charity in your name.
Dear Ruthless,
I was invited to a party and the Evite indicated that the dress code was Business Casual. What does that even mean?
Signed,
Fashion Don’t
Dear Don’t,
KAREN: I feel you. In my business, everyone would be showing up in their pajamas. This is a very white collar centered directive. That said, guys will be safe wearing any shirt with a collar and any non denim trouser. Women can wear whatever they want as long as it’s not denim–even if your designer jeans cost $27,000.
CINDY: If you’re not an employee, wear what makes you feel good. I once wore a fabulous velvet dress to a business casual event and came away with two date requests.
Dear Ruthless,
Valentine’s Day is coming and I’d like my partner to plan something romantic but I don’t want to have to ask. I ask EVERY YEAR. Why hasn’t he gotten the hint by now? Is he an idiot?
Signed,
Hopeful Romantic
Dear Hopeful,
KAREN: You’re the idiot. The only hint this guy has taken is that you plan Valentine’s Day. If you really want him to plan it, ask him directly with instructions on how planning works.
CINDY: Create the evening you want. Go all out. Buy an outfit, book a fabulous restaurant, order the souffle ahead. Then charge it all to your partner but don’t invite him or her. Bring a friend, maybe someone who usually spends the day alone.
Dear Ruthless,
I ate the small price sticker on my pear. Is that dangerous? Will I die?
Signed,
Hypochondriac
Dear Hypochondriac,
KAREN: If you are reading this answer, you’re fine.
CINDY: If you bought it at Barzini’s, I’d put your affairs in order.
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Whats D’AGOSTINO’S got to do with it?
“CINDY: If you bought it at Barzini’s, I’d put your affairs in order.” OMG, thank you for the early morning laugh!
Agreed, the question and the answers are hilarious!
EXCELLENT — and sufficiently snarky for our ‘hood
Probably because it’s owned by John Catsimatidis.
I didn’t know that Gristedes bought D’Agostino! Ewwww!!
It’s a joke! Let us explain. There is no conspiracy at D’Agostino’s. We were playing off the Washington Post motto: Democracy Dies in Darkness. It really dies in Bezos, but whatever. We chose D’Agostino’s because it’s local and it starts with a D and we thought it was funny.
The Valentine’s Day advice was spot on and backed up by great expertise.
A friend of mine made a point to point out the oxymoron in “Business Casual” and came to a conference meeting wearing long pajama bottoms, a blazer over a “coffee is life” tee, and high heeled bunny slippers. We all had a good laugh!
I thought a jacket, jeans and nice shoes were acceptable business casual for women and men.
LOVE THESE TWO!!!!
I eat stickers all the time, dude!!
Physical wedding gifts made more sense for couples who were 22, maybe JUST moving in together, starting a life, and having their first home.
By the time I got married, my wife and I already lived together for nearly a decade. We already owned platters. We had a small 1 bedroom apt in NYC. Off registry, large gifts were tricky.
Still wiping coffee off my keyboard from the spit take I took reading the sticker responses! And I’ll be at New York
Comedy Club 236 w 78th st on Tuesday 2/25/25 at 7:30pm for their next live show which is always a blast!