By Liza Cooper
If you read my first column on August 29th — Love, Dating, and Relationships on the Upper West Side — you know that I’m a love and dating coach who has been walking around the neighborhood holding a sign that says, “Talk to me about love, dating, and relationships.” Many people have stopped to chat! This week, I asked strangers, “Do you have a burning question about dating?”
Here’s a sampling of what Upper West Siders asked me, with my responses. Some names have been changed to protect privacy.
Sam, age 28:
How do you make a woman laugh? I am a serious guy and don’t know how to be funny.
Liza, The Love Coach:
Start with a genuine smile. Ask her what she finds funny. Does she have a favorite comedian or TV sitcom? Check out popular standup comic shows on Netflix. Find a jokester who makes you laugh!
I dated a serious guy who took me to comedy shows. We would laugh all night together and it was wonderful. Take a woman you like to see a hilarious comedian!
Toby, age 85:
How do I avoid getting scammed on dating apps? I’m on Facebook dating and have gotten about 100 responses, but not one date. One guy asked me to invest in his bitcoin business!
Liza, The Love Coach:
Never give money to anyone on a dating app!
There are lots of good people on dating apps looking for relationships, but there are also some bad actors who try to take advantage of good people. If anyone asks you for money, report their profile to the dating app. Don’t interact with them at all. They are not interested in love!
Kelly, age 20:
What questions do I ask on first dates? I am new to dating and hope to find someone who is ambitious like me.
Liza, The Love Coach:
Be curious about your date.
Ask about where they grew up, their family, what kinds of things they enjoy doing, a challenge they experienced in their life.
If you are interested in their drive, ask “What are your professional dreams?” They should be curious about you, too.
What red flags do I look out for?
Red flags vary from person to person. Something problematic for you may be acceptable to someone else. But the most important red flags are felt on the inside. If a person you are dating makes you feel bad about yourself, anxious, confused, or scared, these are red flags. Don’t continue to date a person who brings out these feelings.
On the other hand, someone who makes you feel appreciated, supported, safe, and calm is showing you green flags.
Dating partners should treat one another with consistency and care.
Matthew, age 30:
How do I make my dating profile stand out? I ran analytics on mine. It got a million hits, and only two matches.
Liza, The Love Coach:
It sounds like your dating profile might not reflect who you are. Let’s rewrite it right now!
First, tell me what are your three best qualities? (Good listener? Nice conversationalist? Open to trying new things? Perfect!)
What are your hobbies? (Skateboarding and gaming? Cool!)
What are you looking for in another person? (Someone easygoing, who wants to get to know me and to be known? Lovely.)
It’s important to share these things about yourself and the person you seek, to be specific about a few things — like favorite movies or bands — and to be concise, honest, and interesting.
You have a lot of great qualities, and your profile should show that!
Paul, age 62:
Where do you meet dating partners on the Upper West Side?
Liza, The Love Coach:
We are lucky our neighborhood has so many groups you can join or participate in to meet like-minded people. There are groups for poetry, music, politics, and community improvement. You can help save the Metro Theater or plant flowers in the park. Find something that interests you and you might meet a new friend or romantic partner.
And no matter what, always look up. Lift your eyes from your phone and smile. Chat someone up in the grocery store line, at the Hungarian Pastry Shop, or on a bench in Columbus Circle. You can meet the love of your life anywhere!
Liza Cooper is a Love & Dating Coach. Her winning Moth story about finding love after divorce went viral on social media earlier this year, while an article about her amicable marital split was featured in The New York Times in April.
If you have questions for Liza or thoughts to share, put them in the comments. And look for a lady with a sign in the neighborhood!
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I LOVE how much love you’re spreading. By being open and encouraging with those in the park, by writing about your experience, by sharing. Such a gift. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
What a fantastic article 🙂 I keep forgetting to focus on how that person makes me feel. I worry too much about pleasing them.
Love this love column! Nice to hear from folks what’s on their mind and hear some inpsired advice! I hope this is a regular feature for the WSR! FUN & RELATABLE!
Not sure about the comedy(ian) advice. You’re not making the woman laugh – the comedians are. Not sustainable long term, or even for a short period of time while you’re getting to know each other. She might have a great time, but after the show is over, she’ll still wonder if she finds YOU funny and entertaining enough.
Work with what you got. You’re serious – try to laugh at that. Crack a joke about yourself. A little self-deprecating sarcasm, if appropriately / confidently delivered, rarely hurts. Evaluate the reaction. Vary around it. Probably a good start. Leverage the comedians’ techniques – unexpected twists and observations, even about trivial daily things, often lead to hilarity. Practice with/on your friends.
This is very charming! Even as a happily married, it’s always fun to check in on the adventures of the single side.
Please keep this up!
The answer to the question is always love. 💕
Love is the lens that brings life into focus.
Look and you will see!
Brava, Liza! Looking forward to reading your ongoing love column in WSR.
“All you need is love.”