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    UWS’ Absolute Bagels Line Changes Direction

    April 16, 2024 | 11:16 AM - Updated on April 17, 2024 | 4:25 AM
    in ABSURDITY, FOOD
    61
    The Absolute Bagels line formulating from south of the door, opposed to its longtime north of the door. Photo Credit: Mark Hurst.

    By Gus Saltonstall

    Change has come to one of the Upper West Side’s most famous lines.

    For the past two weekends, Absolute Bagels on Broadway between West 107th and 108th streets, has seen its line form on the southern side of its door, instead of on the usual northern side of the business.

    The change is due to the recent closure of the next-door Garden of Eden market at the end of March. With the supermarket’s fruit stands no longer in operation, Absolute Bagel customers have started lining up in the now-empty space underneath the still-standing awning — which is especially helpful on rainy days.

    “In fact, the line from Absolute Bagel — which for 20 years has always lined up north outside the shop — today was lined up *south*,” Mark Hurst wrote to West Side Rag on the first weekend after the Garden of Eden closure.

    Here’s how the line looked for decades.

    The longtime northern side of Absolute Bagels line. Photo Credit: Google Maps.

    One Upper West Sider expressed worries that the new line direction would make the in-store experience at Absolute Bagels less efficient.

    “You go in a clockwise direction right now in the store, but with the line now going the other way, the people in line are going to be blocking the people trying to leave the store,” Gabriel Kramer-Garcia, a nearby resident of the bagel shop, told the Rag. “It’s already hard enough to get a bagel on a Sunday morning there, now it just got a little harder.”

    A different longtime customer kept his analysis of the line direction change brief.

    “It changes nothing, there is still a line,” Upper West Sider and Absolute Bagels regular Joey Viviano said.

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    Please limit comments to 150 words and keep them civil and relevant to the article at hand. Comments are closed after six days. Our primary goal is to create a safe and respectful space where a broad spectrum of voices can be heard. We welcome diverse viewpoints and encourage readers to engage critically with one another’s ideas, but never at the expense of civility. Disagreement is expected—even encouraged—but it must be expressed with care and consideration. Comments that take cheap shots, escalate conflict, or veer into ideological warfare detract from the constructive spirit we aim to cultivate. A detailed statement on comments and WSR policy can be read here.

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    61 Comments
    Mark Moore
    Mark Moore
    2 years ago

    This is the pinnacle of Upper West Side reporting right here.

    136
    Reply
    Dave
    Dave
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Mark Moore

    wahahahahahaha.. 🙂 agreed!

    4
    Reply
    Carmella Ombrella
    Carmella Ombrella
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Mark Moore

    Slow news day? 😀

    11
    Reply
    Peter
    Peter
    2 years ago

    My god, the travesty!

    12
    Reply
    Jean
    Jean
    2 years ago

    Gotta love the Westside Rag!

    25
    Reply
    Steve UWS
    Steve UWS
    2 years ago

    When one door closes …

    14
    Reply
    Ish Kabibble
    Ish Kabibble
    2 years ago

    Thanks Trump

    11
    Reply
    Bill H
    Bill H
    2 years ago

    Absolutely the wrong way of good eatin’

    3
    Reply
    marie Ames
    marie Ames
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Bill H

    Yes, Bill. I hesitated to say it. Delicious
    but too many (400) calories AND little
    nutrition; empty calories they say
    We eat to stay healthy but this is not the way

    1
    Reply
    Carnival Canticle
    Carnival Canticle
    2 years ago
    Reply to  marie Ames

    I bagel to differ.

    26
    Reply
    Meg D
    Meg D
    2 years ago

    I love everything about this piece. The West Side Rag is a great reminder we all live in a bunch of small towns. And people hate change, no matter how small.

    50
    Reply
    Michael Wong
    Michael Wong
    2 years ago

    This belongs on The Onion.

    31
    Reply
    Sid
    Sid
    2 years ago

    It has lined up on the southside every time I’ve gone in the past few years…

    0
    Reply
    Cyrus
    Cyrus
    2 years ago

    I love this article, including the obligatory complaint about the line change of direction. FWIW, I’ll stand in line in the median of the West Side Highway for an Absolute Bagel. Just sayin’

    14
    Reply
    West Ender
    West Ender
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Cyrus

    But would you stand *on* line?

    3
    Reply
    neighbor
    neighbor
    2 years ago

    and then the Garden of Eden space will be renter and …

    0
    Reply
    Sarah
    Sarah
    2 years ago

    Not a sparrow falls on the UWS but the Rag is there to report on it, and some alte kakers to complain about it.

    17
    Reply
    Irena
    Irena
    2 years ago

    I actually enjoy this kind of small, story. It’s a break from some of the heavier stuff and in real life, this kind of thing is what people actually talk about. Every piece on WSR doesn’t have to be “breaking” news of monumental import. We get a nice mix here and I enjoy that.

    44
    Reply
    Dave
    Dave
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Irena

    Kind of true… but the jokes on the UWSider …. not about lines per se

    0
    Reply
    Sarah
    Sarah
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Irena

    Yes, I don’t think most of us are actually complaining. I’m sure it’s pleasant for the Rag staff to report on more trivial occurrences, too.

    4
    Reply
    Dave
    Dave
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Sarah

    Yes, it shows their human side, and eliminates any pretense.

    2
    Reply
    Eric
    Eric
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Dave

    UWSiders are pretentious enough without help from the WSR.

    1
    Reply
    Getreal
    Getreal
    2 years ago

    If you don’t have a strong opinion on this, you are not really an UWSider..

    19
    Reply
    Irv
    Irv
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Getreal

    If “Curb Your Enthusiasm” weren’t over this could be the first episode of year 13. I may have to start at “spite” bagel shop in response.

    6
    Reply
    Seen It All
    Seen It All
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Irv

    Or Seinfeld! It just screams Seinfeld to me. I can imagine a whole episode around this. George complaining and Kramer having a major freak out.

    12
    Reply
    Yamo
    Yamo
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Seen It All

    Maybe this is the bagel shop where Kramer worked, other than a 13 year strike!

    0
    Reply
    Andrew
    Andrew
    2 years ago

    With regard to the direction of the line, the only relevant information is whether |Bagels| = Bagels.

    8
    Reply
    J Bean
    J Bean
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Andrew

    |Bagels| > Bagels

    7
    Reply
    Leanne Hymes
    Leanne Hymes
    2 years ago

    the fact you needed a google maps pic to show this is the real shame

    4
    Reply
    wombatNYC
    wombatNYC
    2 years ago

    I feel sorry for whoever lives in the apartment above. The smell might be great but the noise and rodents, not so much

    2
    Reply
    Sarah
    Sarah
    2 years ago

    This is such an archetypal WSR article that the only thing missing is the obligatory comment complaining about dangerous cyclists riding their bikes on the sidewalk. And these remain the best bagels in the city, if not the world!

    14
    Reply
    Alexandra Horowitz
    Alexandra Horowitz
    2 years ago

    ha! I love this. hyperlocal news. Thanks, Gus.

    10
    Reply
    ScienceGuy
    ScienceGuy
    2 years ago

    I believe thats how they line up for bagels in the southern hemisphere..

    24
    Reply
    Martin
    Martin
    2 years ago

    It’s Gale Brewer’s fault.

    10
    Reply
    Raleigh Mayer
    Raleigh Mayer
    2 years ago

    I’ve always wondered what it would be like to live in a small town.
    Now I know .
    (And I like it.)

    4
    Reply
    BillW
    BillW
    2 years ago

    Columbia Bagels was always my favorite in the Broadway bagel wars. It was open 24 hours and you could always get hot ones. I just never warmed up to Absolute.

    6
    Reply
    first name unknown
    first name unknown
    2 years ago
    Reply to  BillW

    If you really go back that far, You must remeber the bar next door. — The Marlin. It was sort of like the current Dublin House on 79th, but with beer that cost $1. Lots of Columbia kids in there. Great Juke-box too.

    2
    Reply
    BillW
    BillW
    2 years ago
    Reply to  first name unknown

    Almost – my friends all knew the Marlin. I think when I moved to the area, it was gone. There was a good Vietnamese restaurant. We went to the Abbey, Night Cafe, later the Ding Dong. Sadly no decent dive bars left other than the actual Dive Bars.

    1
    Reply
    Sarah
    Sarah
    2 years ago
    Reply to  first name unknown

    I remember when the Marlin turned into a Mailboxes Etc.!

    1
    Reply
    Sarah
    Sarah
    2 years ago
    Reply to  BillW

    I was a big Columbia Bagels fan too, back in the old WSM building days (though I sure don’t miss Dynasty!) . I especially liked the fact that Zabar’s got their bagels from them.

    It took the closing of Columbia Bagels to send me down to Absolute, but I realized what I had been missing and I’ve been a raving convert since then. One door closes, a bagel hole opens!

    2
    Reply
    BillW
    BillW
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Sarah

    Ah, Die Nasty! OK, I’ll try Absolute again. But my secret go to are the Bialys West Side Market gets.

    1
    Reply
    ted
    ted
    2 years ago
    Reply to  BillW

    I miss Columbia Bagels. The guy and gal who were there during the day were great.

    2
    Reply
    Roxy
    Roxy
    2 years ago

    The real issue here is – as controversial as this may sound- are these bagels worth the wait? Yes they’re good but that much better than say Tals on 90th or even Wu and Nussbaum on 113 and Broadway?

    6
    Reply
    steve
    steve
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Roxy

    Very, very few things are worth that sort of wait, and bagels – even transcendentally magnificent ones – are not one of those things. I know that people have priorities, but is having a life one of them? Seriously, what is wrong with these people?

    0
    Reply
    Sarah
    Sarah
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Roxy

    YES. Yes, they are. They are phenomenal, and while I enjoy Wu and Nussbaum plenty, Absolute is on another level.

    6
    Reply
    ASIL
    ASIL
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Sarah

    I agree and go on off hours

    7
    Reply
    Bill Williams
    Bill Williams
    2 years ago

    Instead of worrying about which way the line is going, they should be worrying about why they line up for a nothing special bagel.

    11
    Reply
    JustSayin
    JustSayin
    2 years ago
    Reply to  Bill Williams

    You’ll get flamed, but you’re 100% right. No better than many of the other bagel spots in the area. Certainly not worth a 30 min+ wait.

    10
    Reply
    Corbin
    Corbin
    2 years ago
    Reply to  JustSayin

    You two must not like bagels very much

    2
    Reply
    ASIL
    ASIL
    2 years ago

    This is a cool story because sometimes people don’t understand that you can live in a big city but in a small neighborhood where people understand this. They love us, always so gracious and lovely to the customers. Their smiles are contagious.

    8
    Reply
    JTJT
    JTJT
    2 years ago
    Reply to  ASIL

    I live a “couple towns over” – 116th in Harlem – and when in the area we try to stop by.

    My kid actually damaged his braces on one of their bagels last summer, and still wants to go back.

    2
    Reply
    Carol
    Carol
    2 years ago

    Hilarious! Thank you!

    4
    Reply
    Deb
    Deb
    2 years ago

    Wonderful dramatic title. I love it.

    2
    Reply
    The Waterboy
    The Waterboy
    2 years ago

    This is about the level of drama I can stand these days when it comes to the news. Bravo, WSR!

    3
    Reply
    The Waterboy
    The Waterboy
    2 years ago

    I would also add: indisputably the best bagels in the city.

    2
    Reply
    Laura
    Laura
    2 years ago

    People poking fun of this coverage but when I saw the headline, I said “whoa!” out loud. Would’ve appreciated even a little more reporting: Did Absolute staff institute the change? Did it happen organically?

    3
    Reply
    KevDog
    KevDog
    2 years ago

    Bravo WSR! This article represents why I follow every week!

    1
    Reply
    Mike Hooper
    Mike Hooper
    2 years ago

    I suggested that they had plans to expand into the now empty store and stay open 24 hours a day – that got a real laugh from the Absolute Staff! They really are THE BEST!

    1
    Reply
    Daniel Dubno
    Daniel Dubno
    2 years ago

    The bagels are very good. It is absolutely tragic that Absolute Bagels is the only decent bagel place on the Upper West Side. They know what they’re doing… everybody else forgot, never knew, or died. A shonda.

    0
    Reply
    Sal
    Sal
    2 years ago

    Perfectly constructed and ENTERTAINING reporting, Gus….!! You made me laugh out loud…. We have LOVED Absolute Bagels since they opened…. and though we will miss Garden of Eden, we’re glad the weekend liner-uppers will be a bit more protected from the elements. And YES, they are THAT GOOD….!!

    2
    Reply
    Mike
    Mike
    2 years ago

    This is really interesting

    0
    Reply

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