Volunteering on the Upper West Side: Finding New Companions at a Lonely Time

Rachael Pachter and Robert Brajer.

This is a two-article series on the importance of volunteering in the neighborhood. See the other article here.

By Lisa Kava

People who depend on volunteers on the Upper West Side come from diverse backgrounds.

Robert Brajer, a Holocaust survivor who felt lonely after losing his longtime partner, developed friendships and found companionship with the help of DOROT, a neighborhood nonprofit organization.

DOROT, located on West 85th Street, works to reduce feelings of social isolation in the elderly by providing opportunities for interaction with others and offering a variety of social programming.

Brajer had been feeling alone after his partner of 55 years passed away in 2017. He was introduced to DOROT by a grief counselor and another UWS organization (SPOP Senior Program for Older People). DOROT’s volunteers are matched up with the seniors by Rachael Pachter, a social worker for the organization. Pachter, one of several social workers at DOROT, personally meets all volunteers and seniors and conducts in home assessments. She then matches each volunteer with a senior looking for company. “Robert is an easy person to match” said Pachter. “He is friendly, has many interests and the volunteers love hearing his stories.”

Through the program Robert has several volunteers who come to his home and also take walks in the neighborhood or grab a danish with him. “When Jimmy passed away suddenly of a stroke in 2017 I felt very alone. The volunteers who visit me have taken away the burden of feeling alone,” said Brajer.

Born in 1938, Brajer escaped from Budapest through Austria at age 18. In 1942, his father was forced into the Hungarian army while he, his mother and grandmother were relocated to the ghetto where they remained until 1945. When Brajer arrived in New York City in 1956 he did not speak any English. Through an uncle he secured employment working as a dishwasher in a restaurant, which eventually led to a job as waiter and subsequently to a position as cashier at a midtown department store. His amicable nature and ability to connect with people landed him in various sales jobs within the department store. With a love for music since he was a child, Brajer eventually found a job in a record store in midtown where he ultimately became the manager. Brajer met his long standing partner Jimmy on the subway. “We looked at each other and liked each other,” he told West Side Rag. Three months later they moved in together.

Brajer and Jimmy would often dine at a Hungarian  restaurant on 111^th  and Amsterdam. “It was always packed with students from Columbia University” he explained. “One night when we were there for dinner a waiter didn’t show up to work. I offered my help to the manager and she said go ahead.” The evening led to a new job for Brajer as a waiter in the restaurant.  “The Columbia students were the best tippers” he said.

Brajer recently worked with the Witness Theater Program on developing a play featuring his stories of before and after the war along with those of other Holocaust survivors.

Brajer enjoys sharing these and other life stories with the volunteers who visit him regularly. He loves to talk and reminisce. He still has a love of music, particularly for opera and classical music. He also enjoys horses and the racetracks. Brajer credits DOROT’s Friendly Visitors Program for providing him with much needed companionship at a difficult time. “My visitors call me every week. We go to the pastry shop and we talk… one visitor is really pushy she wants to visit me all the time!” he exclaimed with a chuckle.

Pachter elaborated explaining that this particular volunteer is a Columbia student from China who feels she has learned much about community and New York City in general from her conversations with Brajer. “The idea is to build a reciprocal friendship” said Pachter. Benjamin Goldstein, one of Brajer’s regular volunteers believes that the two of them have accomplished this goal. “Spending time with Bob doesn’t feel like volunteer work, when we are together it just feels like I’m hanging out with a friend. We eat lunch, discuss politics, listen to music and talk about what’s going on in our lives. He’s a very funny and fun guy. Being able to create a connection with someone from an older generation who isn’t just a family member has been a really cool experience.”

DOROT offers additional services to the elderly beyond the Friendly Visitor Program including weekly kosher meal delivery and holiday meal delivery. The organization hosts a myriad of concerts, activities, special events workshops and wellness programs for seniors. Health and Wellness classes include gentle yoga, guided meditation, and stretch and strengthen. Other weekly activities include mahjong, a knitting group and even a new “decluttering meet up.” Brajer has recently started to attend some of these events  and participated in a dinner and concert at the facility earlier this summer where he met other seniors.

[See our companion article on volunteer opportunities on the UWS and how some local volunteers got started.]