UPPER WEST SIDE PARENTS ARE NEUROTIC, BUT UPPER EAST SIDE PARENTS ARE DOWNRIGHT PARANOID

Things get stolen in New York City. People will steal your iPad. At the pimply age of 14, I had my backpack ripped right off my back as I cried “But all I have in there is my HOMEwork!” So we take precautions. We lock things up, we put the wallet in the front pocket, we leave the engagement ring at home.

But here’s my question: Is someone stealing tricycles? Is that happening? Are used plastic tricycles being swiped right off the street on the Upper East Side, forcing little 3-year-old boys to toddle home next to mommy in their dopey helmets? Because that is the implication of the photograph above, taken by Upper West Sider and West Side Rag columnist Maria Gorshin on 59th Street and 1st Avenue.

People are now locking up their toddlers’ tricycles.

Has it come to this, New York?

Here is my guess: it has not come to this.

(Maria is one of those New York angels who has not lost her soul nor devolved into meanness; she would not have suggested I use this headline if I had asked her.)

ABSURDITY, NEWS, OUTDOORS | 3 comments | permalink
    1. dingleberry says:

      What exactly is surprising about this? Kid goes to the park, kid rides tricycle through dogsh*t, puke, and lord knows what else. Would YOU want that thing in your house/apt after all that? Kid doesn’t understand why he/she can’t bring it in the house so you make a production of locking outside so it’ll “be safe” and the kid is pacified.

    2. The lock probably cost more than the tricycle.

      Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet

    3. kettler says:

      Do locks cost over $200 now?

      Cuz this bike does. Just google for kettler.

      I can see people stealing $200 trikes.