By Marianne Hettinger
Living on the Upper West Side means accepting a certain amount of noise.
But in the last few years, something different has been happening behind my building. My windows face a backyard patio, and especially when the weather turns warm, that patio become an unofficial party zone, often filled with Columbia University students.
It all started during the pandemic, when clubs and bars shut down and outdoor gatherings took over — and it continues.
Some nights, the music is so loud it feels like it’s rattling the walls, interfering with my heartbeat. I’ve had to crawl into my closet just to find a little quiet, hoping the coats and walls would muffle the noise enough for me to sleep. It’s not exactly cozy.
A few nights ago was another one of those nights. The music blared on well past midnight, the bass pounding through the courtyard. Two women, desperate for peace, leaned out their windows to yell for the music to stop — but the party rolled on.
Then something different happened.
A powerful, furious, male voice boomed out from one of the surrounding windows: “Turn that music off! Or I’ll call the cops!”
Nothing. The music kept going.
Again, louder this time: “You guys get the cops called on you like once a week! Stop it! Shut the f— up!”
I braced for the worst. This is usually where things escalate. But instead, a pause.
A voice from the party called back: “Where are you? We can’t see you!”
The man shouted back, his voice still rough but now carrying a note of weary humanity: “It doesn’t matter. There are hundreds of people trying to sleep.”
The music dipped, though not quite off. Some girls laughed.
Then, something incredible happened. The angry neighbor, his tone softening, added: “I wish I was young again and could party with you — but I’ve got to go to work in the morning.”
A kid answered: “We’re celebrating a birthday!”
Curiosity edged into the man’s voice: “How old?”
“Courtney is 22 now,” a young man answered.
It went back and forth — gruff but strangely tender. The man kept asking them to take the party inside, to turn down the music. Finally, the music stopped. And in a moment that felt straight out of a New York movie scene, he called out:
“Happy Birthday!”
The kids cheered back: “We love you!”
And the man, no longer an anonymous, enraged voice in the dark, replied: “I love you too!”
After that — silence. A miracle. I slept peacefully, not just because the noise was finally gone, but because something beautiful had happened. A stranger, frustrated and exhausted, had managed to turn conflict into connection.
It reminded me that no matter how loud, chaotic, or anonymous this city can feel, we share these spaces together. And sometimes, if we listen hard enough, we’ll hear the small, heartening sounds of community at work.
There are good people here. And last night, one of them yelled out of a window.
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Lol, you think the NYPD can help you with loud music? Loud music is a quality of life issue. The NYPD is powerless to help. But listen New Yorkers did it to themselves. The NYPD are toothless tigers and everyone knows it.
Incredibly ignorant because this noise problem has existed for many decades long before any anti police protests ever took place. It happens because police do nothing, not because someone stopped them.
You shouldn’t have to pay for this, but if it saves your sanity it may be worth it!
https://www.cityproof.com/
No, they’re not. What a ridiculous comment. My guess is you don’t attend any community council meetings and remain behind as an anonymous keyboard “warrior.” The NYPD catches everyone. The Justice Department has been rendered toothless by pols in Albany.
More of a worrier than warrior myself.
The NYPD catches most criminals, if the Crime is important, Quality of life offences are no longer enforced, this is why the city has a general feeling of lawlessness.
If only any of this was true…
Where is Bernie Goetz when we need him?
The reason why I do believe it is the ying/yang of NYC.
I’m sorry you feel that way. This happened to me (I even recorded some of it and submitted it to the Rag) Many are so discouraged by what’s happening in NYC that they’ve developed a dystopian mentality.
I’m with you. Don’t worry about the doubters. Thank you thank you for this!
Noise and New York go hand in hand. You always have the option to move out or vote Republican….
Stop justifying antisocial selfish behavior. A party moved indoors in the middle of night is still a party, and could get better!
Vote Republican and become a further authoritarian chaos regime? No thank you.
Noise gets turned off under republican mayors? Wow! I’m from Nebraska and had no idea that noise levels changed based on the political affiliation of the mayor. PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS MIRACLE.
Yeah I can tell u about it—for example m80s and fireworks went off every year weeks before July 4–Giuliani took it on with NYPD and it stopped—anyone that lived there then knows it’s true
I lived here then. And, no, it was a nightmare. Ghouliani was always a creep.
Nightmare? Hardly—most reasonable ppl know he brought back quality of life re noise, cleanliness, crime and if u owned property then he literally stuffed $ in your pocket from ur investment going up—and btw he’s the ‘creep’ that went to hundreds of first responder funerals after 9-11
I think a surprising amount of the stress that comes from living in the city could be reduced or eliminated by making it legal and economically advantageous for buildings to replace their old windows with modern sound proof ones. Historic districts (65%+ of the UWS) have very strict rules about replacing windows. Modern windows can reduce noise by 95%+ https://www.soundproofwindows.com/stc-ratings/. Calling the cops is always going to be an inferior solution to just closing the window.
The Landmark district window replacement rules are overreach.
It is terribly expensive to get noise-abating or energy efficient windows.
The Landmark rules increase costs dramatically.
In some cases, they are just plain silly. Our building got swept into an expansion of a Landmark district in 2015. Before that time, maybe a third of our street-facing windows replaced double hung with single pane windows. This is energy efficient, and yields wonderful views of Riverside Park.
Landmarks has decreed that starting 2015, only double hung window will be permitted when windows are replaced.
It’s too late! Our building already has a mix! Landmark’s rule does nothing to improve the aesthetics of our building.
And opening the windows?
Omg. I was thinking how much less stressful my workday would be if I had different windows that shut out sound
Windows can’t block out the vibration of the bass
Or people can learn manners and realize that when apartments are dark, people are sleeping because they have to get up for work in a few hours – even on weekends. Why should people spend money to replace their windows?
FINALLY — a sane comment. Thank you .
“modern windows” aren’t going to stop bass, even a little bit.
So it’s 60° outside and we have to close the window?? We aren’t allowed to enjoy fresh air and low humidity while we sleep? NYC rules restrict noise after 10 p.m….which means the solution is to keep it down after 10 p.m.! And because of the way sound travels at night (as well as the “canyon effect”), most certainly take it inside.
There is no FRESH AIR in NYC!😏
and maybe people could stop blasting music past midnight because it’s rude.
I face a courtyard and occasionally kids in a nearby building play sports behind their building. It is in the middle of the day and there is no screaming or yelling – just kids happily playing and occasional thump of a soccer ball hitting a wall.
Without fail a man who sounds very old starts screaming at them. Using very vile, nasty curse words directed at children. It is truly horrifying.
Yes, they theoretically could go to the nearby park. But for various reasons sometimes kids want/need to play behind their buildings. And as long as it is at a reasonable volume at a reasonable hour, this is OK. If you don’t like it, I can sell you some farmland upstate.
Yes. They could go to a nearby park, instead of disturbing, sleeping babies, sick people, old people, people who work from home, or people who just enjoy peace and quiet in their homes. What a wonderful idea.
Anonymous, what she describes sounds like a reasonable use of a shared space at a reasonable hour. Dealing with that does seem like something a person that chooses to live in a congested city should expect to live with. Why do you think otherwise? (I realize that every question comes across as combat these days, but I’m genuinely asking. Cities are, by definition, shared spaces, and I’m curious about how different people decide what that means.)
My windows face an enclosed courtyard. There is a concrete patio at the bottom. The kids who live there spend a lot of time screaming and bouncing a basketball with their friends. The courtyard creates an echo canyon that makes it all 10 times as loud . And I work remotely.
Have you ever tried to work or do anything when you have those conditions all the time every day? There is a park literally one block away where they could play basketball to their heart’s content. I don’t have anywhere else where I can get a reasonable amount of peace and quiet. I’m not the only neighbor facing that courtyard who would like to dump buckets of ice water on them. The woman with a new baby in the apartment below me is beside herself.
You can go anywhere to make noise. But often the only place you can get quiet is your own home and if you can’t get it there it really really sucks.
You are making this all about you. In the example I provided, the kids are playing at a reasonable volume. There is the occasional shout but largely they are speaking at conversational levels.
I am sorry the children near you are screaming a lot. This is not the same situation.
I also tend to think you are exaggerating as most kids are in school until at least 3 pm. So you have the bulk of your workday without this noise. Not that that excuses excessive screaming in the late afternoon. But it is not as tragic as you make it out to be.
Perhaps you can go ask them nicely to keep it down. Kindness goes a long way. I defend their right to play ball during daylight hours. I do not defend their right to scream. The world is not binary. Sometimes we can compromise.
Quiet is for Westchester
This is New York City. Learn to deal with it. As long as they are not screaming and yelling, that’s life. Sometimes parents are working from home and their kids want to play outside so it is an easy alternative. Or the parent is sick. Or the parent is home with a younger sibling who is napping.
Personally, I find the sound of children happily playing (again, at a reasonable volume) to be one of the happiest sounds on earth. But there are apparently a lot of grouches who don’t feel that way.
When my children were little we lived in a different apartment that faced out on a different courtyard where kids would play. Their noise occasionally interrupted naps. But it was 2 pm on a sunny weekend afternoon and they were not being excessively loud. So I dealt with it.
As I said, if you don’t like it, move out of the city. And lighten up.
In the afternoon, this is about late night antisocial selfish behavior, but they eventually understood, which you don’t seem to.
Your response seems aggressive. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect people to follow noise ordinances. After 10 pm quiet. Even in Rio de Janeiro they enforce this rule.
Yes. I agree. I initially gave an example of kids playing at a low volume in the middle of the day. And someone had an issue with that. This is different from the situation cited in the story.
Perhaps I am being aggressive because people don’t read carefully and then get aggressive towards me. If you can’t follow basic etiquette in responding to a message board, please don’t do so.
I’m sure this will get censored but I am just defending myself in a tone matching the one that was directed at me and published. ButterBall’s post was also rude and uncalled for, yet for some reason that got through.
“Even in Rio de Janeiro” they enforce his rule. What does this mean?… “even in Rio the Janeiro”?
West Side Rag needs to do a profile about Garry Johnson the doorman of 186 West 80th Street. His kindness and knowledge of everyone living on 80th Street between Amsterdam and Columbus would make him the ideal peacemaker of any UWS block.
The UWS has a lot of wild stuff that goes down in these pre war buildings. I have even observed guests of tenants engage in sex in building vestibules visible from the street.
This is a nice moment right out of a Nora Ephron film. Thanks. for sharing.
This is such a beautiful story and restores my faith and humanity. Thank you for writing and posting it!
A moment of our old beloved NYC home. We are full of Gruff Love… not the withholding kind of Tough Love, but full throated, unrestrained open hearted, deeply humane, Gruff Love. Thank you for this beautiful reminder of New Yorkers’ extraordinary capacity to express our own unique but deep kindness.
What a good story! So typical of city life … i miss it like crazy! Even the noise
This brought tears to my eyes actually
Wonderful story. Thank you. Here’s myNew York Story.
A New York story
I had just finished lunch at the French roast on Broadway with two delightful companions. French onion soup , a Croque Monsieur with crunchy French fries and a pilsner beer made for a delightful lunch/dinner. As we left the restaurant and headed our different ways, I decided to make a stop before going home. As Michelin says where I was going and what I was going to get merit une detour. For the better part of the last 40 years our family’s favorite birthday cake was made by William Greenberg desserts. That was when William Greenberg himself was the Baker. He sold out his company and opened a bakery in Scarsdale which unfortunately does not deliver. Fortunately, however the buyers of his company opened a bakery about 10 blocks from my house on Broadway and 74th St.
What was our family’s favorite birthday cake you ask? It is a coconut whipped cream cake with a delicious white cake base and fresh rich French style whipped cream studded with fresh shaved coconut.
Maybe because it’s Valentine’s Day, I decided to give myself a Valentine, so I hopped down to 73rd St. went inside the promised land and asked the young man behind the counter “do you have any whipped cream coconut cake?” Yes, he said. 6 inches or 8 inches. Ohh said I I wasn’t planning on buying a whole cake can I get just a couple of pieces? No he says. At that point, a diminutive woman standing next to me at the cash register looked up at me and said ‘that is the most delicious cake in the world. It’s my absolute favorite . I’ll split one with you.” The boy behind the counter said you’ll have to divide it between you and I said that’s impossible, we don’t know each other. The young woman standing next to him said just cut it in half, put them in two boxes and let them figure out how to pay for it.
Yippee! The cake was $32. I handed my newfound friend 16 bucks she added 16, paid for the cake and we each walked out with a box of a whipped cream coconut cake and a big smile. . It rests in my refrigerator, good for at least three and maybe 4 servings now that’s a New York story.
You mean there’s a reason people carry [legal] pocket/work knives? Seems lost on the main branch of the NYPL, that famous art museum at 5th and 82nd too, and that institution is technically on the UWS.
I love this story. I love the kindness it bears witness to.
Some of the commenters, I see, remain untouched by the grace and beauty of this story. I hope they’ll take a moment to allow the lovely sense of community you’ve shown us to touch their hearts.
Or maybe they’ll just tell me to go f*** myself.
Both of those are purely New York City. I must admit I do get a kick out of the go f*** yourself part, sometimes; although let’s face it, that’s the part that gets much more press. The human kindness overflowing, however, is the New York I know and love the best.
Thanks for sharing.
Phil, you are totally on the mark
One of the problems with NYC is that the skyscraper buildings have created weird sound pockets, because sound bounces off one building and can land blocks and blocks away. I once had an issue that was baffling. I live 19 stories up and one night many years ago an incredibly loud party was being blasted inside my apartment. It sounded like it was right outside my window. I figured it came from my own building or right next door or on the street right outside my building; and so I went down to the lobby to walk outside and see where it was coming from. Everything was deadly quiet. I had to walk blocks and blocks to find any sound at all. It turned out to be coming from another high floor several blocks away. It never happened again and I have been living in the same spot since 1986. . It must have traveled via air into my building like some weird rocket path. When you live here, you may need to consult a physicist
When you try and deal directly with noisy neighbors and approach in a non-confrontational way, you’d be surprised at how often they will comply with your request to turn down the noise. This should t have to be some tho g the police gets called into unless it is especially egregious.
Yes the police would prefer not to deal with it south of 96th Street. North of 96th Street, it is seen as an opportunity to bully people because they lacked power because of authoritarian adults growing up.
Ah..if life were only like that.
It’s a great ending but wouldn’t it be even better had the Columbia students, who are supposedly very bright, figured out that a loud, late night, outdoor celebration would disturb those around them? Perhaps they could have calculated that it would have been better to hold the party inside while also holding down the noise and music. It would have been possible to wish their friend a Happy Birthday while thinking of others. Maybe all those years they spent studying to get into Columbia, it would have been beneficial if their parents devoted more time on developing their manners. That’s what’s missing from the story. It’s possible to be book smart yet clueless.
In a era when it seems there is never any good news and that every conflict will, inevitably,. be escalated, this is an uplifting story.
A touching UWS story. I am always surprised when people suggest , “if you don’t like the noise, get out of NYC.”
A lame suggestion. There are so many ways to tone down. All it takes is being a tad more considerate and aware of your neighbors. Teenagers are noisy at parties in suburbia too.
Now we need to do something about the tourist choppers cruising the Hudson. That is worse than people’s noise.
Good Lord, this comment section is starting to sound like X — intolerant, insulting and rude, i.e., (WHY DON’T YOU MOVE UPSTATE, NEW YORK HAS NOISE; LIVE WITH IT, etc., etc ).
It was a lovely story but those kids are selfish, entitled jerks. Yes, NYC has noise. I once had an apartment overlooking Broadway. Lots of noise.
I once lived on Hells Kitchen. Lots of noise. That’s OK, it’s to be expected. But not when it’s late at night and people are being needlessly inconsiderate.. Why is this even a debate?
So, some of you missed the point. Great story. Thanks for looking for the good!
What a great story! Thank you for sharing. This is why we love this city.
Thank you for this story. You’ve managed to warm my cold, black heart. We need more of these feel-good moments, now more than ever.
The helicopters are the worst. Also weed stench thru vents
We get the drug smoke through the floor, the places where the pipes enter the apartment, the closets, the hall, and in good weather, the windows. The stench is really bad, but the impact on our health (dizziness, headaches, sore throat, panic attacks, sleep issues) is much worse.
Novel solution: Move.
The bar?
I have soundproof windows, and let me tell you, it does wonders. I don’t hear anything outside. We should normalize this.
your windows won’t stop thumping bass.
Ok, now do something about the honking.
This was incredible! We need kindness & the more stories like this the better!