People are Drafting Episodes of ‘Seinfeld’ for the Vaccine Era and They’re Hilarious
“You know what the worst thing is? Burping into the mask.” Photo via wikimedia.
Seinfeld has been gone for over two decades, but the show still resonates, and there’s a parlor game on the Internet where people imagine how Seinfeld would deal with current events.
The arrival of vaccines — and the jockeying to get one — is one of those current events that has led to Seinfeld-daydreaming. Many of them revolve around Kramer “knowing a guy” who can get them vaccines, because of course he would.
Here are some funny ones.
George spent months telling his parents he's trying to book them an appointment online and is furious when Susan actually does so. Elaine brags about dating an essential worker but then he tells her he's antivax. Post-vax Jerry bombs because he will only perform wearing an N95.
— 'Weird Alex' Pareene (@pareene) April 2, 2021
Kramer knows a guy who has a whole supply of vaccines he's giving out of his truck. Jerry and Elaine try to sign up online but keep being tempted by Kramer's guy. George gets told by the city that he is banned from getting a vaccine for some unclear reason.
— The Antibodies Developer (@JonIsAwesomest) April 2, 2021
Kramer: Hears a natural pharmacy has extra doses from Bob Sacamano. Convinces the gang to go with him
Jerry: Wants to approach a woman in the vax line. They decide it's okay, but only AFTER they get the shot
… https://t.co/YyWGC5QIcO— Bram Sable-Smith (@besables) April 2, 2021
George gets an appointment based on a medical condition he doesn’t have. He meets a beautiful woman at the vaccination site and has to spend all their time together pretending to have this medical condition
— NYCCitizen (@CityCitizenNYC) April 2, 2021
Eric Koch had a pretty solid episode outline:
Seinfeld, The Vaccine:
George hasn’t seen his parents since 2020 “I could just not get it, and never see them again”
Kramer did 5 vaccine trials all at once. “Jerry, I got everything in me!”
“Even Sputnik??”
“Da!”— Eric Koch (@EricDKoch) April 5, 2021
Elaine is calling every doctor she’s ever dated but none will help her “I guess I’m not worth the Vax! I’m not vax-worthy!”
George’s parents get the vaccine and go on a cruise without telling George. “We’d rather go on a cruise than go to Manhattan”
— Eric Koch (@EricDKoch) April 5, 2021
Okay Seinfeldians, take your best shot in the comments!
Elaine is assigned to get a vaccination appointments for Mr. Pitt. She finally gets one and is waiting in line with Mr. Pitt, who is complaining about how long it took. They get to the front of the line and it turns out that the Soup Nazi is supposed to give Mr. Pitt the vaccine. He recognizes Elaine and tells them to leave.
Meanwhile, George, despite not meeting the threshold for an appointment, tells the nurse the story of his life and she has pity on him and lets him cut the Andrea Dorea survivor and get the last available shot.
Kramer, George, & Elaine team up to score appointments for the Pfizer vaccine at the same time; as a result, for the next three weeks they are all between jabs.
Meanwhile, it’s naturally a different story for Jerry, who manages to get a shot of the single-dose J&J vaccine. Fully immune after only two weeks, he finishes a book for S&S, visits a B&B for a little R&R (no D&D, alas), returns, and is last seen sipping a C&C at H&H.
Jerry’s dating a doctor who can get him a vaccination. However, she’s horrible in bed. He just has to be able to continue dating her so that he can eventually get the vaccine. Of course, he dumps her.
George is over the top paranoid about the virus. He isn’t able to get the vaccine.
Neumann died of Covid
OK, let me give this a shot….
Elaine is bragging about meeting a tall, dark and handsome Dr. from Columbia but then she finds out he is a PhD in English Lit at the university and not a medical doctor at the hospital. Immediately breaks up with him.
George’s parents refuse to follow the Covid-19 protocols, driving him into a state of panic, fear and anxiety on steroids. “THEY WON’T LISTEN, JERRY!!!”
Kramer and Newman hoarded a truckload of toilet paper at the beginning of the pandemic (on a tip from Bob Sacamano) and now are stuck with hundreds of cases stacked to the roof in Kramer’s apt. They decide to cut their losses and use it to make a 20 ft paper mache statue in honor of Dr. Fauci in Central Park.
Jerry is dating a gorgeous woman, way out of his league, but she is a front line worker of some sort (maybe a nurse or a teacher) and his germaphobia won’t allow him to be intimate with her in any way, not even a kiss. She wants to get a little naughty on Zoom and he just can’t “go there”. Immediately breaks up with her.:)
I could do this all day….so fun.
This is so fun to imagine! I can picture all of these scenarios. To quote Kramer, “In my mind I’m already there”:)
Jerry is performing comedy on zoom. He is sitting in his living room, wearing a shirt, a tie, and boxer shorts underwear. The boxers are made by a guy Elaine is dating. They are super comfortable, but very loose.
Kramer and Newman are at Kramer’s place trying to cook up a batch of vaccine from instructions they found on the internet. The batch overflows, and floods Jerry’s apartment while he is performing live.
Jerry jumps up. The boxers stay down.
George stops and makes a call at the corner of a building up the block from a VAX clinic. People assume he is in line and get behind him. He hangs up and walks off, and the angry VAX liners chase him down and beat the crap out of him.
Kramer hooks Jerry and Elaine up with his guy who is dealing VAX from a Halal cart.
Neumann falls in lust for a girl who wont take her mask, or anything else, off until until until the herd is immune.
I just laughed my massk off! Thank you WSR!
Nice vaccine propaganda – I’d say- leave Seinfeld alone!
These really made me laugh!!
I have received both doses – not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Kramer: trades Cuban cigars for a vaccine.
George: has an appointment but chickens out when he sees the needle. On the other side, he meets a cute woman and lies about getting the vaccine; they make a date for 12 days hence, when the first shot will have had the greatest impact.
Elaine: steals the emergency worker ID from a man named “Sam” after a one night stand with him.
Jerry: has another great zoom date with a beautiful woman he’s “seeing” and conspires with his friends how to get her on video below the neck to determine what kind of body she has.
What? #Nohashtags?