West Side Canvas: Hot Diggity Dog

By Robert Beck

We’ve got options.

It’s no secret that a good hot dog is one of my favorite meals, and that I consider Gray’s Papaya to be the best dog experience to be had anywhere.  I say that less with objectivity than conviction, which is where a lot of us get into trouble.  I’m not an expert—more of a fanatic.  I did, however, encounter a very good “hot dog” outside the boundaries of my UWS jurisdiction: a snack entry on the menu at the swanky MoMA Bar, where I was treated by friends. Things are best understood in comparison to others, so it helps to appreciate a Gray’s hot dog by taking a look at its mid-town stylin’ cousin.

That version is a wee 3” house-made frank on a demure split-top bun with caviar, pickled shallots, and dill, and it was pretty darn delicious.  It’s also a work of art.  You can imagine somebody in the kitchen assembling it with a tiny spoon and tweezers.

At that size, I’m pretty sure I could have eaten four, so we must consider the $39-a-pair financial commitment.  In truth, it’s a “take” on a hot dog, a toy-like culinary romp as opposed to something you would expect to keep fans on their feet at a minor league ballpark … although contemporary stadium prices are getting close.

Nowadays, chefs turn to geographic and ethnic staples to source reimaginings for the culinary theater of it, which is great, but it’s not like tube steaks need an upgrade or will use the lesson to better themselves.

As I said, Gray’s Papaya’s dogs are the benchmark.  They come packed with a full nine innings of authentic hotdoggedness.  And you can’t beat the price.  Two with a medium drink are less than $10.  Go for the papaya.  Get a dozen dogs for 30 bucks.  Field your own team.

Whether you’re eating inside Gray’s at the shelf overlooking Broadway, sitting on a bench in Verdi Park, or leaning over a DOS corner refuse can, there is an etiquette that has evolved for generations requiring one to accept that there is no way to look classy while eating a hot dog.  If you do, you’re doing it wrong.

Even at an elegantly smaller scale and dressed in its luxurious museum best, the MoMA version is still, by construction, a hot dog, and must be eaten as such.  You have to feed it into your mouth with the bun split pointing upward, so you don’t spill cargo onto your Miu Mius.  Even at half-size, two hands are recommended, but if you just can’t put your phone down, you’ve been told.

There is a choice to be made: do you eat it with your head erect or tilted sideways?  Upright brings the risk of getting condiments on or possibly up your nose, with embarrassing consequences.  The sideways route gives you more mouth where the condiments enter, and if they do escape the bun, it usually takes just a little guidance from a finger or a graceful dab of your napkin.  I’m a tilted-head guy.  I lean forward so no errant mustard lands on my shirt, elbows at 10 & 4, and go to it. There are napkins in the bag if I have an issue.

See more of Robert Beck’s work and visit his UWS studio at www.robertbeck.net. Let him know if you have a connection to an archetypical UWS place or event that would make a good West Side Canvas subject. Thank you!

Listen to an interview with Robert Beck on Rag Radio — Here.

Note: Before Robert Beck started West Side Canvas, his essays and paintings were featured in Weekend Column. See Robert Beck’s earlier columns here and here.

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