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An Upper West Side Fairy Tale

November 30, 2025 | 8:27 AM
in ABSURDITY, ART, COLUMNS
44

By Gary Martin

The UWS brunch trifecta: a great bagel, the perfect schmear, and Goldi(LOX).

Gary B. Martin is an illustrator and animator who has lived on the Upper West Side for more than 30 years. His illustrations appear in the Rag on Sundays, chronicling life in the neighborhood, New York City, and the Universe. See them all here. For a broader range of Gary’s work, including animations and other motion graphics, please visit www.martoons.com

Listen to Rag Radio’s interview with Gary Martin — HERE.

Subscribe to West Side Rag’s FREE email newsletter here. And you can Support the Rag here.

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44 Comments
Rosie
Rosie
10 months ago

Sometimes the thing that’s “just right” is staring right at you and it’s still hard to choose.

4
Reply
Ken
Ken
10 months ago

Too many choices – I have the same problem!

2
Reply
Judy Orich
Judy Orich
10 months ago

Just plain brilliant Gary !
Sunday mornings are more fun now……thanks.

5
Reply
Paula Sahli
Paula Sahli
10 months ago

Dense, hard on the outside and soft on the inside. 🤭

2
Reply
Ellen T. White
Ellen T. White
10 months ago

Creative!

3
Reply
Cindy
Cindy
10 months ago

Good one🙂

3
Reply
Cindy
Cindy
10 months ago

Good one. Always look forward to your weekly cartoon.

4
Reply
Merle Buff
Merle Buff
10 months ago

So funny and so true!!

2
Reply
Rosemary
Rosemary
10 months ago

Too expensive and not worth it

2
Reply
Andy
Andy
10 months ago

Right?!?

2
Reply
Neal
Neal
10 months ago

Suddenly my cup of yogurt for breakfast seems inadequate.

5
Reply
Adrienne
Adrienne
10 months ago

There’s nothing more NYC than the search for the perfect bagel. Since Absolute closed we have been desperately searching for our new spot.

3
Reply
Nan
Nan
10 months ago

The search for the perfect bagel continues!

1
Reply
Noah
Noah
10 months ago

Rings so true now that Absolute is gone

2
Reply
Sue
Sue
10 months ago

Gary has it right! Keep him coming!

3
Reply
Laurie K
Laurie K
10 months ago

OK, that is GENIUS! I keep going back to look at it!

2
Reply
Eljay
Eljay
10 months ago

hahaha! Every bagel shop in the city worth its salt will be framing & hanging this. Hmmm, maybe Gary could make it easy for them (and profitable for him)

2
Reply
Joanna
Joanna
10 months ago

Punny! Thanks, Gary.

2
Reply
Gary
Gary
10 months ago

This idea came from my beautiful niece Adrienne. I forgot to put it in the image. I’m sorry Adrienne. I’m old. I forget stuff. 😉

4
Reply
David
David
10 months ago

Love it.

2
Reply
Anne Watkins
Anne Watkins
10 months ago

But none are bialys! So much better.

2
Reply
Dino Vercotti
Dino Vercotti
10 months ago

Is there anything close to a consensus here as to who makes the best bagels in the UWS? I have my opinions, but I wonder what the populist pick is around here.

2
Reply
Debfrombrooklyn
Debfrombrooklyn
10 months ago

Whelps, this is JUST RIGHT for Thanksgiving Sunday brunch! 🥯

2
Reply
Kathy
Kathy
10 months ago

Clever! The quest for the perfect bagel–something nearly every Upper West Sider can relate to these days.

2
Reply
Nancy Christie
Nancy Christie
10 months ago

Very clever.

2
Reply
Ped Astel
Ped Astel
10 months ago

May your life be like a bagel, as round as the circle of life, and full of dough.

2
Reply
Nina
Nina
10 months ago

Ill take the Just Right please!

2
Reply
Joe Chiplock
Joe Chiplock
10 months ago

This is one of my favorite UWS stories…the others being the one about the billy goats; the beautiful (and NOT so secret) gardens,; AND the sudden, and sometimes, mysterious appearance of the perfect parking spot!

2
Reply
Auntie Em
Auntie Em
10 months ago

So – what’s the bagel shop of choice these days on the UWS?

1
Reply
Barbara Puff
Barbara Puff
10 months ago

Dear Readers, I apologize for being off-topic. I lived on the Upper West Side for many years. At the time, there was a bookstore between 81st and 82nd or 82nd and 83rd Streets and Columbus Avenue. I’m writing an essay about an event at the store featuring Joseph Campbell. I can’t remember the name of the establishment. Was it Endicott Books? Thank you.

1
Reply
Best side?
Best side?
10 months ago
Reply to  Barbara Puff

https://www.westsiderag.com/2011/07/21/the-end-of-the-era-of-the-upper-west-side-bookstore-again

0
Reply
Pat
Pat
10 months ago

And don’t forget too fattening!🤣🤣🤣

2
Reply
Tuna Jack
Tuna Jack
10 months ago

Gotta be well done! With a double Schmear!

2
Reply
DebM
DebM
10 months ago

Love it!!!!

2
Reply
Bill
Bill
10 months ago

Love Gary’s work and look forward to it each week!

2
Reply
Sharon
Sharon
10 months ago

“Everything” is just right!

2
Reply
Susan
Susan
10 months ago

Perfect!

2
Reply
Peter
Peter
10 months ago

Then she goes outside and gets verbally harassed and assaulted by a crazy homeless person.

1
Reply
Gary
Gary
10 months ago
Reply to  Peter

awww. that’s not part of the story.

1
Reply
Bob
Bob
10 months ago

What does “too trendy “ mean in this context?

1
Reply
Peter
Peter
10 months ago
Reply to  Bob

A specific store that certain people keep bemoaning, as if someone has been forcing them to buy their 3-minimum bagels (or, non-bagels, to some “purists”), or to stand in a line with “hip young trust funders.”

1
Reply
Mia T
Mia T
10 months ago

lol – love it!

2
Reply
Corcoran
Corcoran
10 months ago

From barista to loving husband to bagel shop counter worker, Gary wears a different hat every week, but also always wears the same hat. Nice work.

2
Reply
Nancy
Nancy
10 months ago
Reply to  Corcoran

He is “Everyman”

1
Reply

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