By Karen Bergreen and Cynthia Kaplan
Karen took a picture on her block of a woman who had her dog off the leash, and we both want to know why some people think their dogs are special. News flash: All of us think our dogs are special, but has this town become completely lawless? We don’t blame the dog. It’s all about the owner showing off. If you want to walk your dog off leash, go to the park before 9 a.m. or after 9 p.m. or go home.
Dear Ruthless,
My really good friend routinely gives dinner parties. They are lovely, but there is never enough food. It’s not just our opinion. People talk about it and joke about going for pizza after we leave her apartment. I feel like I should say something. Should I? If so, what?
Signed,
Hungry Friend
Dear Hungry,
KAREN: I’m a big eater and this is a huge problem for me. We have a friend who serves airplane portions of so-so food that apparently a hired chef cooks in her kitchen. It’s not even delicious and there are no seconds. Lucky for us, Han Dynasty delivers late. That said, say nothing.
CINDY: I once went to a holiday party where they served nothing but a spiral ham. I went to another party where there was dinner but no dessert. Jews need dessert. However, I had a great time at both parties. So you’re a little peckish, so what. Don’t go along with the gang for pizza, and remind them how lucky you all are to be friends. Have a light snack before the next get together.
Dear Ruthless,
A famous couple moved into our building. I won’t say what they do, but they are known in their respective fields. We want to invite them to a welcome get together with other friends of ours in the building, but we don’t want to seem like star-you-know-what-ers. What’s the right way to do this?
Signed,
Friendly Neighbor
Dear Friendly,
KAREN: This is a tough one, especially for me (I love celebrities.) Did you meet the couple in the elevator or in the lobby? Were they kind? If so, go for it, giving them a way out: “We assume your schedule is so busy, etc.” If they walk around in baseball caps and sunglasses, a party is a bad idea. I get my best intel from the doorman.
CINDY: Say hello while wearing dark sunglasses and a baseball cap yourself. Then they’ll think you are the celebrity. Celebrities love each other, so a party is right on brand.
Dear Ruthless,
My friends always seem to forget my birthday but remember each other’s. I want to say something but I feel stupid.
Signed,
Resentful Birthday Girl
Dear Resentful,
CINDY: People forget my birthday all the time. I think you might take the person you’re closest to aside and let them know how you are feeling. Or throw yourself a party and don’t invite them. Tell them you forgot.
KAREN: I am obsessed with my birthday and announce it constantly. March 13. Do not collect this grievance. You are in charge of that day.
Dear Ruthless,
I met a man on a dating app and we’ve been texting and now talking for a couple of weeks. Twice he has backed out of date plans. Should I try again or take it as a sign to move on?
Signed,
Jilted?
Dear Jilted,
KAREN: The facts that you’ve given us paint him in a very poor light, but this is NYC, and the pickings are slim. The answer to this depends on how much you are willing to put up with. If you’re thick skinned, give him one more chance. It’s possible that he had genuine conflicts. If you tend to take things personally, bail.
CINDY: Nope. Bye.
Dear Ruthless,
My neighbors are very quiet until about 10 p.m. almost every Saturday night. At 10:01 they host what sounds like a wildebeest stampede until 3 a.m., only with loud music. I’m usually a fairly chill neighbor, but I can’t sleep. Please advise.
Signed,
Sleepless on Columbus
Dear Sleepless,
CINDY: I think you should write a pleasant though not apologetic note (you have nothing to apologize for) and drop it off with a plate of cookies. See if you can agree on a decibel level and perhaps their guests will shed their shoes or your neighbor can put a thicker pad under their rug. You might see if other neighbors are bothered and go at it together. If they cannot be appealed to, fight fire with fire. Well, not literally. No fire.
KAREN: I wouldn’t be Karen if I didn’t call the manager to complain. If you live in a co-op, tell the board. If it is a rental, talk to the managing agent. If those don’t work, call 311. Do not call 911, no matter how tempting.
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Last week there was an off-leash dog in the Columbus Circle Whole Foods that defecated in front of the seafood section (where the rug is) and then proceeds to bring out a green baggy to clean it up (like it was a normal thing to do).
Whole Foods workers say nothing, maybe they have default to that it could possibly be a service dog. If that is the case the employees should disinfect the rug immediately and clean up what was not removed by the dog owner as best they can.
So the dog owner can’t navigate Whole Foods without their therapy dog? I didn’t realize grocery shopping could trigger psychosis.
I had a service dog for 9 years and I think I’ve seen 2 authentic service dogs in stores or offices in recent years. A service dog doesn’t do its business inside, run around, yap, be friendly or unfriendly to strangers! It concentrates completely on its owner and monitors the surroundings. An emotional support dog is a…dog. JFC
I can tell you that while it’s illegal to ask why you have a service dog, it’s legal to ask for paper proof. I had to hand it over any number of times.
Thank you, Michael. I have exchanged words with this dog owner before and she told me “I needed to get control of myself.” So, now I am very controlled as I photograph her.
Was the dog protesting higher prices? But, seriously, that is so deeply disturbing that a dog owner would allow that, that Whole Foods does not implement some solution (how about banning the offending owner?), etc. And yet, seeing the way our government is being run, a dog pooping inside a major grocery store fits squarely in our political milieu.
BTW, I don’t know for a fact, but certified service dogs are supposed to be trained to not do things like defecate inside a public place. This was probably not a Service animal. There is a lot of confusion between a service dog and an emotional support animal. I’m guessing (again) that owners think that their ESA can go into a Whole Foods (which follows ADA guidelines allowing SERVICE DOGS), and Whole Foods Staff doesn’t know the difference, or doesn’t want to confront ESA dogs. ESA dogs do not have the same legal rights as a SERVICE dog.
Glass-half-full comment: At least the owner cleaned it up?
If you talk to shop owners, they will tell you that they are not allowed to ask if a dog (i.e., an ANIMAIL) is actually a service animal. And give me a break: “emotional support animal”…..
And they are wrong. You are absolutely allowed to inquire about a service animal if it’s not obvious like a seeing eye dog with a blind person, You may not ask a person what their disability is and you can’t require proof as there is no licensing or national IDs. Vests or other markings are completely meaningless.
You may ask “ls this a service animal” and what the animal is trained to do (open doors, detect a medical condition etc)
Now the dog owner may lie but the questions are completely legal . Maybe if pet owners get used to being questioned they will back off.
Store owners just don’t want to bother and are afraid they’ll get sued if the staff asks the wrong questions.
Signed, someone who works in compliance.
No point in complaining about dog people anymore. They are the most entitled species out there. Central Park, Riverside Park, the streets — off leash — and do not say anything to them or the owners themselves will bite your heads off. Someone please start a group for people fed up with these dog people. You can see who the dog people are — they have dogs. But you can’t tell who the people are who have to waste precious patients on their stuff day in and day out.
The dog was making a statement about the prices of seafood.
That’s one resourceful pup, picking up its own defecation!
I thought the same thing – and wondered where it got the bag from?
Dear Jilted,
If he mentions changing the battery on his ankle bracelet, not a good sign.
Thanks for keeping us laughing ladies!!! Can’t wait for your next LIVE Ruthless Show on Thursday, May 29th at New York Comedy Club 236 W 78th St at 7:30pm!!!
For the downstairs residents with the upstairs neighbors who have ritualistic parties every Saturday night: Read “Rosemary’s Baby”.
And if you live in The Dakota – move. Now.
“CINDY: Say hello while wearing dark sunglasses and a baseball cap yourself. Then they’ll think you are the celebrity. Celebrities love each other, so a party is right on brand.”
This is the way!!! Wear them all the time so that you’re prepared for a chance encounter!
Dear Jilted – just be aware that this behavior is typical of scammers. Beware should he tell you of his terrific investment opportunities.
This wildebeast blast thing happened to me a few years ago. I took it for three months then bought a bottle of wine and knocked on their door and joined the party. I danced for two hours with all the young people, who didn’t know quite what to make of me, then thanked them for a lovely time and went back upstairs. I don’t know whether it was a coincidence or not, but they moved out the next month. And, somehow, they keep forgetting to send me Christmas cards 🙂
Society thrives by where lawlessness is tolerated. Running your herd of pit bulls through Summer Saturday birthday parties in the apple orchard? You’re a jerk and you should get a summons. Heck, crank enforcement on weekends, I can live with that.
But a well-trained dog who’s heeling and minding his own business at 1130am on a school day seems like the least of our troubles. The most vulnerable at that hour are in school (right?).
I know, I know, it’s always the Kant of it all and that someone’s going to say that Petunia (their infrequently-trained and semi-feral rescue from a dogfighting ring) was “always good for me.” Rotten apples ruining sensible existence in the Big Apple, same as it ever was.