West Side Canvas: Where the Steam Vent Pipes Roam on the UWS

Text and Painting by Robert Beck

I’m surprised someone hasn’t written an ode to a steam vent pipe. It surely has the same cultural significance as a Grecian Urn.

Urban historian, who canst thus express
A pneumatic-hydraulic tale more sweetly than our rhyme
What striped legend haunts about thy shape
Of warnings and cares, or of both?
At Riverside or the Dales of Blooming?
What workings below are these? Of what are clouds emergent?
What mad release? What wild ecstasy?

Okay, I’m not Keats. I think the steam vent pipe is as iconic an item as you will find in Manhattan. They are everywhere, appearing suddenly in your way, spouting billows. Name something more ubiquitous or eye-catching. They can hold their own on a souvenir store shelf next to the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the Yellow Cab, the Brooklyn Bridge, and the Chrysler Building. Resplendent in orange stripes, a steam vent pipe looks like the Eiffel Tower in penitent garb. I’m surprised it hasn’t been adopted as the Gotham mascot.

The steam vent pipe is a natural for a pendant, a charm, or a bangle in sterling with enamel orange stripes. Perfect for salt and pepper shakers. Halloween costumes. Stuffed pillows. What about desserts? And how about lamps—consider a steam vent pipe base with the green and white subway globe at the top. Does it get better? They’d make great vaporizers. MOMA should be selling those. The more I think of it, the more the steam pipe vent comes off inexplicably absent from our consumer lexicon.

Is it because they are vaguely threatening? Is it that nobody knows just what steam is doing down there, what is going on under the streets and sidewalks, that hint of subterranean malevolence?

The short of it is that the steam is used to heat, generate power, and provide humidification in buildings. For that, Con Ed can use the steam left over after generating electricity, which still has a lot of thermal energy, rather than just releasing it into the air. It’s resourceful in that way. But it becomes a big issue if the steam gets out of hand. The vents can spend a long time belching away on the sidewalk, waiting for somebody to figure out how to contain the problem. It ain’t easy. Welcome to New York.

The steam vent pipe’s charm is in its look. The decoration is as simple as it gets, with a nod to Where’s Waldo, Tom Terrific, Marcell Marceau, the Tin Man, and Albert Einstein. All while looking like a blown-out birthday candle. I’m hard-pressed to come up with something with form more directly dictated by function. It’s like the city’s water towers, which also would make good salt and pepper shakers. They deserve an ode or two, as well.

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See more of Robert Beck’s work and visit his UWS studio at www.robertbeck.net. Let him know if you have a connection to an archetypical UWS place or event that would make a good West Side Canvas subject. Thank you!

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