Editor note: With the possibility of former President Donald Trump returning to the city looming, it seemed timely to rerun this story, first published on May 5, 2019.
Stormy Daniels Gets More Yuks Than Yucks at Local Comedy Club
By Michael McDowell
Don’t call Stormy Daniels by her real name, Stephanie: the only people who call her that are the IRS and her mother, and she hates them both.
The Upper West Side, home to several of New York’s best comedy clubs, played host to an intimate evening with the aforementioned woman of many talents on Tuesday night, at Stand Up NY on 78th Street and Broadway.
Daniels, who is new to standup, was visibly nervous, at times easily holding the room with the studied, minxy persona of an adult film legend, at times exhibiting an almost adolescent-like stage fright.
“If I panic, and stick something in my mouth, it’s kind of my go-to,” she told the rowdy crowd. “Actually, my go-to normally is to pop a titty out on stage and touch myself,” she trilled, to howls of delight. “Excellent advice for new strippers in a strip club, sex offender charge for tonight.”
Daniels’ charisma is immediate; she’s sharp, savvy, and quick-witted, the friend you both fear and admire, the acquaintance you’re most keen to book for drinks. While her performance isn’t standup per se—it often veers much nearer to a one-woman show—and her set was uneven at best, Daniels is captivating, and for many in the audience, apparently something of a folk hero.
“I never said I was a comedian. I never wanted to do standup: clearly, I do my best work laying down,” she relished.
Her “crazy” stories are entertaining—“I was at a club called ‘Night Moves’ in Boise, Idaho…let that sink in…and while I was there they gave a girl on stage a cake for being two weeks sober off meth,” began one anecdote. But she finds her richest material in the quotidian rituals of nightlife — one particular kind of nightlife. By her own account, she’s been stripping for two decades, and has performed in, written, directed, and produced numerous adult films.
For example: were you aware, gentle reader, that strip clubs serve food?
It’s evident that Daniels is aware she often isn’t taken seriously—“they want to say I’m a stereotypical blonde idiot”—and she’s rightfully resentful. Stormy Daniels deserves better.
“I love to write. I don’t know if any of you read my book, but that was actually me,” she said. Daniels seems eager to transcend the unfortunate incident that has brought her seemingly unasked for fame, and which may come to define her life: her alleged relationship with President Donald Trump. Who among us has not, at one time or another, had a brief and regrettable relationship?
“The Trump thing was only going to be a page or two. How do you stretch 60 seconds into 60 minutes?” she minced.
After nearly half an hour, Daniels proceeded to answer questions which audience members had written on cards prior to the beginning of her set. Daniels is formidable on Twitter, and in this half of her performance she was at her best: saucy, clever, and surprisingly vulnerable.
Do you think you owe Melania an apology?
“I’ll apologize to her when she apologizes to the country.”
Is she a Republican or a Democrat?
How does she plan to talk to her children about sex?
“My daughter is eight. She knows there is stuff on television that is inappropriate. She also knows that I write, direct, and am an actress in movies that aren’t appropriate for kids. Someday, when she finds out what sex is, I’ll tell her that those inappropriate movies have sex in them, and, hopefully, she’s ok with that,” Daniels said.
After a beat of silence, cheers.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
“Dead,” she said, to gasps. “No!” the audience cried.
Only one question produced a rare miss. Have you ever had trouble having an orgasm, and do you have advice for people who do?
“Of course. Who hasn’t?” she began. “I guess the main thing is to be honest, and if all else fails, use your imagination.”
From a smart woman who has spent much of her life in adult entertainment, one might have hoped for a more interesting answer.
If Daniels wasn’t politically aware before she became a household name, she certainly has become so since.
Should Donald Trump be impeached?
“I think it’s unfair that the President of the United States is not held to the same rules, or whatever, that any other citizen would be,” she said. “Allowing someone to get away with things that are definitely illegal sets a very terrifying precedent for whomever comes into office after him. It’s basically a green light to do whatever the f*ck you want.”
With that, Daniels left the stage, to applause.
“We love you, Stormy,” a woman said, softly.
Prior to her set, Daniels recorded an episode of the Dark Horse Podcast, which features untraditional entrepreneurs and which is produced by Dani Zoldan, who owns Stand Up NY.
At the bar, the Rag spoke with Remy Kassimir, a comedian who also hosts a podcast on orgasms, How Cum.
Kassimir was favorably impressed by Daniels.
“She’s a storyteller, and she’s smart, direct, and has something to say.”
Stormy Daniels. The hero Gotham needs
Warning: if Bragg actually tries to arrest Trump for alleged hush money payments to Stormy Daniels, he’s gonna get Trump re-elected Seriously. This is cutting off your nose to spite your face!
Pssht. Nothing can get that clown re-elected after Jan 6. No sane Republican will back him.
You’re in a Manhattan bubble, where you and everyone you know nods in agreement each other. At least half of this country feel politically like Staten Islanders do, which is Republican and sickened by wokeness and progressives who are devouring the Democratic party. Whatever disgust many Republicans had after January 6 towards Trump, now, will be reversed. Not only did Dems now all but guarantee that Trump will be the nominee, he actually has a shot of winning the presidency, which two weeks ago, in my opinion, was impossible, even against Biden. Dems have given Trump an enormous boost and if he gets a mugshot, he will get even stronger. Not to mention the possibility of violence from crazies and a further divide of this country. This is all a temporary orgasmic thrill for Trump haters, which may come back to bite you.
So, basically you’re saying that Trump supporters don’t give a damned about the law, care less about vandalizing national landmarks to the tune of millions, don’t care if people threaten the lives of Congressmembers and the Vice President, don’t care about cheating on taxes, or the fact Trump is a compulsive liar, wife cheater, tax evader, draft dodger, homophobe, hates women, hates LGBTQ folk, insulted Mexicans, Chinese, entertains anti-Semites, was endorsed by the KKK, had his charity shuttered for fraud, paid $25-million for the fraud that was Trump U, and tried to find votes in Georgia, cheats banks, his casino investors, his workers, his vendors, and that those Republicans simply vote out of SPITE? Is that what you’re saying? You’re saying they rather jeopardize democracy than vote intelligently? They hate “wokeness?” Why is that? So the entire GOP platform is spite and hate? Wow — that’s horrific. But there’s another problem for you. A criminal can’t run for President. Talk about a bubble!
Remember all those chants of “Lock her up! Lock her up”?
Live in fear and Trump means being a loser.
Stormy is still the only contractor ever to get paid by Trump…
Dems just made Trump a martyr. Very stupid.
Don’t be so afraid of Trump. I’ve seen your posts. You seem to be a reasonable person who believes in laws.
You break a law – you pay a price.
I can beat you up and rob you and not be charged by this DA
Afraid? If you can’t see what this all is, which is a complete farce which has nothing to do with breaking laws …that’s sad.
Actually he did break the law. He lied under oath, he let his lawyer take the fall, he paid off Stormy with CAMPAIGN money. he’s a liar and a cheat. Apparently Republicans are only interested in laws when someone else breaks them.
So to be clear, people who commit crimes should be punished unless they are Donald Trump, because holding him to that standard is “a complete farce”.
Only if you are a Republican, Democrats get off scot-free!
1. Hillary’s Emails bleached
2. Biden’s treasonous acceptance of Chinese money
3. Biden’s handling of classified documents
4. Bill Clinton’s many rapes
Shall I go on?
Let cases be made.
It seems many on the Right want people thrown in jails based on their fragile feelings.
Things like evidence and court cases are simply too much work. And those mean old courts don’t make rulings on people’s feelings.
If there are so many laws being broken by Dems, let the courts decide.
Oh, your request for a source from Brie is probably G. Santos.
I have 2 brothers who are both right leaning moderates. The republicans have no idea what to do with this loose cannon for 2024. They’ll get stomped without Trump’s supporters. The “regular” conservatives will get all roughed up from the primaries again and might not get the right wingnuts turnout for the general elections if they got rid of him. After Jan 6th, and his hands off covid response, Trump will lose even bigger if he’s still a free man in a year.
If she was paid off to keep quiet, why did she break her part of the bargain?
Maybe “somebody” paid her more to talk!