
By Gus Saltonstall
Change has come to one of the Upper West Side’s most famous lines.
For the past two weekends, Absolute Bagels on Broadway between West 107th and 108th streets, has seen its line form on the southern side of its door, instead of on the usual northern side of the business.
The change is due to the recent closure of the next-door Garden of Eden market at the end of March. With the supermarket’s fruit stands no longer in operation, Absolute Bagel customers have started lining up in the now-empty space underneath the still-standing awning — which is especially helpful on rainy days.
“In fact, the line from Absolute Bagel — which for 20 years has always lined up north outside the shop — today was lined up *south*,” Mark Hurst wrote to West Side Rag on the first weekend after the Garden of Eden closure.
Here’s how the line looked for decades.

One Upper West Sider expressed worries that the new line direction would make the in-store experience at Absolute Bagels less efficient.
“You go in a clockwise direction right now in the store, but with the line now going the other way, the people in line are going to be blocking the people trying to leave the store,” Gabriel Kramer-Garcia, a nearby resident of the bagel shop, told the Rag. “It’s already hard enough to get a bagel on a Sunday morning there, now it just got a little harder.”
A different longtime customer kept his analysis of the line direction change brief.
“It changes nothing, there is still a line,” Upper West Sider and Absolute Bagels regular Joey Viviano said.
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This is the pinnacle of Upper West Side reporting right here.
wahahahahahaha.. 🙂 agreed!
Slow news day? 😀
My god, the travesty!
Gotta love the Westside Rag!
When one door closes …
Thanks Trump
Absolutely the wrong way of good eatin’
Yes, Bill. I hesitated to say it. Delicious
but too many (400) calories AND little
nutrition; empty calories they say
We eat to stay healthy but this is not the way
I bagel to differ.
I love everything about this piece. The West Side Rag is a great reminder we all live in a bunch of small towns. And people hate change, no matter how small.
This belongs on The Onion.
It has lined up on the southside every time I’ve gone in the past few years…
I love this article, including the obligatory complaint about the line change of direction. FWIW, I’ll stand in line in the median of the West Side Highway for an Absolute Bagel. Just sayin’
But would you stand *on* line?
and then the Garden of Eden space will be renter and …
Not a sparrow falls on the UWS but the Rag is there to report on it, and some alte kakers to complain about it.
I actually enjoy this kind of small, story. It’s a break from some of the heavier stuff and in real life, this kind of thing is what people actually talk about. Every piece on WSR doesn’t have to be “breaking” news of monumental import. We get a nice mix here and I enjoy that.
Kind of true… but the jokes on the UWSider …. not about lines per se
Yes, I don’t think most of us are actually complaining. I’m sure it’s pleasant for the Rag staff to report on more trivial occurrences, too.
Yes, it shows their human side, and eliminates any pretense.
UWSiders are pretentious enough without help from the WSR.
If you don’t have a strong opinion on this, you are not really an UWSider..
If “Curb Your Enthusiasm” weren’t over this could be the first episode of year 13. I may have to start at “spite” bagel shop in response.
Or Seinfeld! It just screams Seinfeld to me. I can imagine a whole episode around this. George complaining and Kramer having a major freak out.
Maybe this is the bagel shop where Kramer worked, other than a 13 year strike!
With regard to the direction of the line, the only relevant information is whether |Bagels| = Bagels.
|Bagels| > Bagels
the fact you needed a google maps pic to show this is the real shame
I feel sorry for whoever lives in the apartment above. The smell might be great but the noise and rodents, not so much
This is such an archetypal WSR article that the only thing missing is the obligatory comment complaining about dangerous cyclists riding their bikes on the sidewalk. And these remain the best bagels in the city, if not the world!
ha! I love this. hyperlocal news. Thanks, Gus.
I believe thats how they line up for bagels in the southern hemisphere..
It’s Gale Brewer’s fault.
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to live in a small town.
Now I know .
(And I like it.)
Columbia Bagels was always my favorite in the Broadway bagel wars. It was open 24 hours and you could always get hot ones. I just never warmed up to Absolute.
If you really go back that far, You must remeber the bar next door. — The Marlin. It was sort of like the current Dublin House on 79th, but with beer that cost $1. Lots of Columbia kids in there. Great Juke-box too.
Almost – my friends all knew the Marlin. I think when I moved to the area, it was gone. There was a good Vietnamese restaurant. We went to the Abbey, Night Cafe, later the Ding Dong. Sadly no decent dive bars left other than the actual Dive Bars.
I remember when the Marlin turned into a Mailboxes Etc.!
I was a big Columbia Bagels fan too, back in the old WSM building days (though I sure don’t miss Dynasty!) . I especially liked the fact that Zabar’s got their bagels from them.
It took the closing of Columbia Bagels to send me down to Absolute, but I realized what I had been missing and I’ve been a raving convert since then. One door closes, a bagel hole opens!
Ah, Die Nasty! OK, I’ll try Absolute again. But my secret go to are the Bialys West Side Market gets.
I miss Columbia Bagels. The guy and gal who were there during the day were great.
The real issue here is – as controversial as this may sound- are these bagels worth the wait? Yes they’re good but that much better than say Tals on 90th or even Wu and Nussbaum on 113 and Broadway?
Very, very few things are worth that sort of wait, and bagels – even transcendentally magnificent ones – are not one of those things. I know that people have priorities, but is having a life one of them? Seriously, what is wrong with these people?
YES. Yes, they are. They are phenomenal, and while I enjoy Wu and Nussbaum plenty, Absolute is on another level.
I agree and go on off hours
Instead of worrying about which way the line is going, they should be worrying about why they line up for a nothing special bagel.
You’ll get flamed, but you’re 100% right. No better than many of the other bagel spots in the area. Certainly not worth a 30 min+ wait.
You two must not like bagels very much
This is a cool story because sometimes people don’t understand that you can live in a big city but in a small neighborhood where people understand this. They love us, always so gracious and lovely to the customers. Their smiles are contagious.
I live a “couple towns over” – 116th in Harlem – and when in the area we try to stop by.
My kid actually damaged his braces on one of their bagels last summer, and still wants to go back.
Hilarious! Thank you!
Wonderful dramatic title. I love it.
This is about the level of drama I can stand these days when it comes to the news. Bravo, WSR!
I would also add: indisputably the best bagels in the city.
People poking fun of this coverage but when I saw the headline, I said “whoa!” out loud. Would’ve appreciated even a little more reporting: Did Absolute staff institute the change? Did it happen organically?
Bravo WSR! This article represents why I follow every week!
I suggested that they had plans to expand into the now empty store and stay open 24 hours a day – that got a real laugh from the Absolute Staff! They really are THE BEST!
The bagels are very good. It is absolutely tragic that Absolute Bagels is the only decent bagel place on the Upper West Side. They know what they’re doing… everybody else forgot, never knew, or died. A shonda.
Perfectly constructed and ENTERTAINING reporting, Gus….!! You made me laugh out loud…. We have LOVED Absolute Bagels since they opened…. and though we will miss Garden of Eden, we’re glad the weekend liner-uppers will be a bit more protected from the elements. And YES, they are THAT GOOD….!!
This is really interesting